Changed
by twilightscallingme
Summary: What happens when Bella Swan agrees to marry Edward Cullen? And what happens when Edward keeps his promise to change Bella into a vampire? How does Jacob react? And what about the ever elusive Victoria?
1. Chapter 1

These characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer, thanks.

"You promised!" I screeched, throwing the largest volume of _Harry Potter_ I could find.

Edward simply ducked the flying book, staring at me like I had grown an extra head or something. No, I hadn't, but I must admit - that'd be a lot better than this. He put his hands up, almost as if pleading me to not throw anything else and just listen to him. Or perhaps he was pleading for me to be quiet, other people in the house were sleeping and he wanted to keep it that way. I slowly brought my eyes up to a level that met his. His golden colored eyes were black, and it wasn't just from a lack of hunger. I had made him angry, I had hurt his feelings.

"Bella, doll. Things were different then," Edward mumbled as he started to cross the room. I closed my eyes, and felt his arms wrap themselves securely around my waist.

"Don't do this," I muttered as I felt him against my neck. "Stop," I commanded, pushing myself as far away from him as I could, while still being held. "Stop," I mumbled again, "You promised me that if I married you..." my voice caught, but I steadied it myself.

"You promised me that if I married you, you'd change me," I finished gently, finding the courage to look into his beautiful eyes.

"And things were different back then!" He exclaimed, trying to get me to see his point. He had none. I didn't have to hear a made up "story" or anything that he was currently concocting in his head to know that. Nothing had changed between us.

Edward Cullen and I were soul mates. I knew that as certainly as I knew that I was still human. I loved him with every inch - every fiber - of my body. I loved him more than I had ever thought possible. And to think, Mr. Cullen was my first boyfriend. The age gap of a hundred years or so didn't bother me at all. Edward was stuck in a 17 year old's body. I wanted to be with him. Unfortunately, I had already turned 18. I was still a teenager, though, and that was what mattered the most to me.

I didn't want any of the privileges that could be provided to me legally - drinking - if Edward couldn't share in it with me. I didn't want to go any further in my life without knowing for certain that he would be there. I didn't want to go on, worrying that he would really change his mind.

It appeared that he had.

What more did he want?

I married him with every fiber of my being. I was set to graduate in a week. I had married Edward. I was graduating. Carlisle had promised to change me after graduation, but I wanted it sooner. I wanted it to be Edward. He had promised me. He had said that if I married him, he would love me always. He had said that I could be a vampire like him. And yet, why did it seem as if none of this would happen?

"Bella, Bella," Edward said in a soothing tone, causing me to look him in the eyes. "Bella, doll, I love you so, so much dear."

"Then change me!" I exclaimed, trying to keep my anger in check. I honestly was trying. I just wasn't doing very good at it.

"Bella," he said charmingly, "Think about it. If I change you tonight, you won't be able to go to your own graduation. Neither will I, to mention it. Someone would have to stay back and babysit you, make sure you were okay."

"Oh! Like there won't be other graduations later in life!" I exclaimed, furious at him for not keeping his promise.

His lips rested against my forehead. I could tell by his mannerisms that yes, he really wanted to change me. It was killing him that he wouldn't let himself. This was where I was supposed to break down crying and exclaim, "Oh, Edward! Please!" But I wouldn't.

"Why won't you change me like you promised?" I asked, my bottom lip trembling a bit. The tears weren't an act - they were real. Why didn't he love me like I thought he loved me? Or, if he did love me, why wasn't he able to show it by doing this one act? It truly was a small act with little consequence, right? Right.

He sighed. "I just can't right now, Bells. You'd be so sick. One week, please?"

I just stared at him.

"We're married, Edward. You promised," I tried one more time.

"Please, one week? Let me make sure that I can do it. Let me hunt, get other blood in me... I don't want to kill you doing this, Bells. You know what happens if you die," he added. I shuddered at the thought, and he pulled me close. He seemed content that he had talked me out of getting him to change me for the night.

"Let's go to bed," he added softly and moved slowly towards my small bed. I just let him tuck me in, and then he crawled on top of the covers. I could tell that although he was here with me, he was listening in to any sudden movements that Charlie, my father, may make to come in and check on me in the middle of the night. You know, to make sure I hadn't run off and gotten married or something.

"Edward, you have to take these," I said sleepily as I slid the rings off of my finger.

He looked puzzled but he took them anyway. "Why?" I heard. His voice was full of coherence. He never slept at all; such were the ways of vampires.

"Imagine if I told Charlie that tonight for our date, you drove us all the way from Forks to Vegas and back again, just so that we could get married. It's not that believable. And he'd have to kill you, Edward. I love you too much to let him even think about it," I said, stealing a kiss or two.

He chuckled and said something about me needing sleep.

The wedding hadn't been perfect. No one had attended but us._ "Another couple of kids who were in love," _I recalled the Elvis impersonator's comment. If only he knew how deeply and how truly. I didn't wear a white dress - he didn't wear a black tux. I didn't have flowers, a brides maid, a flower girl. There was no ring bearer. My mother and father weren't there. Edward's family wasn't there.

And yet... it couldn't have been more perfect. The way the kiss tasted, the way it lingered on my lips. The way we said "I do" in our goofy 'I'm just a kid in love' way. The way that he promised me forever.

It was love.

It couldn't have been anymore real than what it was. We couldn't be more in love.

"I love you," were the last words to leave my pale lips as I fell into a deep sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

"Edward?" I whimpered, stepping into my room.

There was something wrong with my room. The temperature had dropped drastically from the hallway to the bed. The hairs on the back of my neck were standing straight up. My body was on alert to be attacked – but I wasn't sure what was going to attack me.

I let out an audible gasp as I felt something clasp itself around my mouth. It was someone's hand! I started to kick, punch... I wanted to get away. I was thrown down onto my bed. The whole time, I was praying silently... '_Let this be a dream. Please, God... please! Let this be a nightmare. Let this be a bad dream..._'.

I heard a deep growl come from my "attackers" general direction as my still flailing legs made contact with him – or her.

"What the hell was that for?" I heard an oddly familiar voice whine as the light on my night stand snapped to life.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Jacob Black?!" I hissed, angry. He wasn't supposed to be here. He said that as long as I was with Edward - and I very much was - he couldn't see me or be near me. He said that I couldn't see him anymore. It wasn't quite fair. Jacob Black, my best friend... Or Edward Cullen, my soul-mate. What a choice to have to make!

"I'm glad to see you too, Bella," he quipped sarcastically.

"As if that was much of a welcome!" I exclaimed, though I was careful to keep my voice down. Charlie was downstairs watching the TV, but I didn't want him coming up here and finding Jacob in my room. Charlie always did like Jacob more than Edward, and I'm sure he'd make sure to tell Edward (and the whole town of Forks while he was at it) that he found Jacob Black and I in my room together.

What a rumor that would be!

"You're alone," Jacob brushed off my exclamation with a statement. It wasn't a question, I knew, because he would have never had touched me if Edward was anywhere in sight (or, for Jacob's case, in range of smelling him). Also, he knew that if Edward _was_ with me, he'd have wasted no time at all attacking Jacob.

"Of course I am, Jacob!" I exclaimed, exasperated. "Now, Jacob, what is it that you want? Couldn't you have called? Wrote a letter? Why come here?" I demanded. I wasn't being fair, but then again, neither was he.

Jacob's body was rigid. I'm sure he was trying to ward off his anger, his own impatience with me. I sure could cause a lot of stress and impatience in one person. Especially when it came to Jacob. I don't think that he ever truly forgave me for running off to Italy to save Edward. I think Jacob would have been very happy with me and with himself if I had finally said "to hell with you, Edward! The only person I want is Jacob!"

But we both knew that I wouldn't ever say that. I was just too much in love with Edward. Just because I didn't wear the ring that he gave me last night (was it only just then? Had it only been just one day since we had wed?) didn't mean that I didn't love it. It just meant that I valued my life and that Charlie would kill me if he knew. Or he'd have a heart attack, and I'd feel awful.

Edward and I had already discussed all of this.

Jacob pulled me off of my bed without too much resistance. He _was_ a lot stronger than me. I felt him pull me towards his body, sniffing my hair lightly. He could smell Edward on me. But oh well.

"Because. I needed to talk to you in person."

"Okay. Talk," I said, pulling myself away from Jacob's embrace. He let me go, and I crossed the room to stand by the window that Jacob had used to come into my room. Jacob made himself right at home and jumped onto my bed, laying down. He was going to be the death of me, I knew.

"Look. I know that I haven't been the best friend that you deserve and all, but I feel like you should listen to me," he started tentatively. I nodded to him, showing him that he had my full and undivided attention. "But I'm worried about you... I'm really worried about you."

"And why is that, Jacob Black?" I demanded. My arms were crossing my chest and I was staring at him in disbelief. How could he say that he was worried about _me_ when he was the werewolf? He did crazy stuff all the time with his pack. I was completely safe when I was with Edward. I didn't feel quite as safe as when I was Jacob, but there was some sort of element that he possessed that did attract me to him.

Oh, no wait. That was just my attraction to anything that could perhaps be lethal. My mistake.

"Because I know that he's planning on making you into a vampire," Jacob said, as if this was news to me. What did Jacob expect me to do — scream, run around my room sobbing my eyes out, throw myself at him, and beg for him to protect me for the evil, scary Edward? No, sorry. It wasn't going to happen.

I shrugged. "So?"

"Bella! You can't let that happen to yourself! If you let that happen to yourself... we'll be sworn enemies, Bell. You can't let it happen to yourself!" Jacob repeated. He sounded more and more like a spoiled two-year old child than my former best friend.

"And what if it's what I want, Jacob? What if _I_ asked him for it? What if I'm forcing him to give me what I want?"

Jacob stared at me in disbelief. "You're not... you're not being serious..."

"I am," I admitted to my friend. "But that doesn't mean that we can't be friends. I still don't understand why you all can't just hug and make up. Maybe even drink a cup of java together every now and then," I added, trying to keep a humourous tone to my words. I didn't want him to think that I was choosing Edward over him, even though that was very much so what I was doing. I moved from my spot at the window over to my vanity mirror to study my pale reflection.

"Bells," He pleaded. "Please, rethink it... Please," he pleaded. Then he sat up very fast and I was surprised that he didn't get vertigo. "I've got to go. Your _lover_ is coming," he spat and was out the window before I could say anything else. I heard the crunch of the gravel under Edward's tires and sighed. I didn't have time to shower, and I knew that he would be less that pleased when he smelled Jacob on me.

'_God, he must think that I'm screwing around with him or something_,' I thought miserably as I heard Charlie answer the door jovially and Edward bound up the stairs. I sunk onto my bed in despair, trying to figure out if telling Edward the truth was the best thing to do.

I looked up at Edward as he stopped at my door frame. I saw his nostrils flare a bit while he sniffed the air. I watched him intently as his fists balled up, ready to attack... or keep his anger in check. Whichever one happened first.

"Bella," he stated calmly.

"Edward," I said, meeting his eyes slowly. I wasn't afraid of him. I was afraid of what he was going to do to Jacob when he found out. There was no doubt in my mind that he already knew that was who had been in my room, but I knew that he would question me first to confirm his thoughts.

"Your room reeks of werewolf," he said softly as he closed the door behind him. It shut with a soft click. "Do you care to tell me why?" He added as he made his way towards me. He pulled me into an embrace, though I could tell that he was holding his breath so that he didn't have to smell Jacob on me.

There was a distinct difference from Jacob's embrace and Edward's embrace. Although I loved and cherished Edward's embraces, Jacob's had something that Edward's lacked: warmth. Sure, Edward's were secure and all, but they were cold. His body was cold. After all, Edward was pretty much dead. Jacob, on the other hand, had a warm body. I'm pretty sure that he would constantly be running a fever if you were to ever ask him what his body temperature was. But I liked the warmth. It reminded me of the sun – the sun that made Edward sparkle so beautifully.

"Jacob was here to visit when I got home from work," I explained slowly, meeting his eyes. It was all true. "He had to have a talk with me, and we had that talk, and then he left. I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't know that he was going to be here. I know that you don't like it, but he's my friend!"

"It's okay, Bella. He didn't hurt you, did he?" He asked sharply, examining me with his eyes. I shook my head 'no'.

"Go take a shower and change the bedding," he told me. "I'll be here when you get back. I have a present for you."

I vaguely remember nodding my head and leaving to do so. The air was so light under my feet. I was so happy to receive this "present" that I had waited for.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: This disclaimer is for the last chapter and for all future chatpers: Stephenie Meyer owns the rights to the characters, location, and everything else she thought of in her brilliant series.

"Sit," commanded Edward as I walked back into my room after my quick shower. I had scrubbed my body until I thought I would bleed, trying to get the scent of the werewolf off of me. I knew that even though I couldn't smell it myself, it drove Edward and his family crazy. It made them anxious, too, I had noticed.

"What's going on Edward?" I asked him sincerely. He was acting strange – very out of character. Edward had even taken to pacing around my room. I had never seen him act like this. He was anxious, as if he was going to be leaving me again soon.

My heart dropped. He was going to leave me again. I was going to re-experience all of that pain... all of that uncertainty once again. I couldn't handle it, my nerves couldn't handle this. My body shook slightly as I suppressed my tears.

Edward looked at me oddly. He came over and he hugged me. "What's wrong?" He demanded, and I knew that he wouldn't tell me what was on his mind until I told him that I already knew what his 'present' was.

"You're leaving me again!" I exclaimed, feeling so sick and so worthless. Why did I believe that I had anything at all to offer this man? Edward was magical – he made my life so much better. What did I do for him? Nothing. I didn't deserve him. I was worthless.

"What? No, I'm not Bella. Quite the contrary," he said slowly. He held me close and let me calm down before he continued on with what he had to tell me. "I told my family about last night. About us getting married. They're okay with it."

I exhaled. That was a good sign. I laughed a bit at the memory of the first time I met his family. He had been hell bent on trying to scare me out of our relationship, I do remember. He had said something to the extent of, 'you're worried about meeting my family, not because they're vampires, but because you're afraid they won't like you?'. I think that was the day that he truly knew that I couldn't do without him. My mortality was nothing compared to gaining his love.

"Then what is it?" I asked sharply, though I knew that Edward knew that I was just trying to understand the point of this conversation. I didn't want to be wasting time this way. I just wanted to be with him. Unless it was important, I didn't want to have a heart attack over something.

"There's been a change in plans. You're not going to walk at your graduation."

I stared at him, confused. Hadn't just last night Edward told me that I needed to graduate? I needed to walk at my graduation before I was changed? Unless something major had happened involving the Volturi, Victoria, or something of that nature, I couldn't see a reason in why they would need or want to change me tonight.

"We need a plan, first, though," he told me gently as he got up and started to pace. "And your almost-meltdown right there just gave me the best idea," he said with a smirk on his face.

"May I ask why there's been a change in plans?"

"The Volturi," he replied simply before he began pacing again.

I didn't have time to ask why the Volturi were suddenly a problem. Hadn't Edward said just a couple of months ago that I was more than likely safe until I was about 30 years old? That the Volturi weren't going to come after me until I was older? That they'd forget until then? Why were they wanting to come after me now? Or, was that even the reason that Edward was going to provide me with later?

I guess I had panic written all over my face, and Edward read that neatly. He wasn't the best at reading me – though I had never seen him be wrong on anyone else – but he understood this emotion perfectly. "I'll explain later. After... after you're all better," he added. I realized what that meant. Today, tonight, I was going to be changed.

That caused a new, fresh wave of panic to hit my body and seize control of my thoughts. Who was changing me? Edward? I couldn't imagine him wanting to do it today. I couldn't imagine him thinking that he was strong enough yet to change me himself. Alice? No, ditto for her. She was too worried that she'd end up killing me? Emmet? No. Jasper? No. Esme? No. Rose? Hell no! That left Carlisle.

Between Carlisle and Edward...

If Edward himself couldn't change me, then I'd want him holding my hand the whole time that Carlisle did it. I knew that I could trust Carlisle not to kill me. After all, he had changed his whole family himself, so I trusted his abilities there. What I didn't trust was myself. I didn't know if my body would be able to deal with the pain that I knew came with being changed.

Ever since James had bitten me, I knew what it felt like. I looked at the scar on my arm. The scar that always remained cold, no matter how hot the rest of me was. The scar that, when I first received the bite, made my whole body feel like I was burning. I thought that I was being condemned to a life in Hell. And then, I remembered how Edward had saved me. How he selflessly put away his vampire instincts that pleaded to suck all of my blood from my body, and how he only took what he needed to... to keep me alive.

"What about Charlie?" I asked, finally finding my voice. I was finally putting Charlie's emotions in front of me. "What about Renee?" I added as an after thought. How would my mother take the news of my "disappearance"?

Edward sighed and pressed his forehead against mine. "I don't know. That's where the plan comes into play," he said softly.

"And the plan is...?" I wondered what it was. Wasn't it normally _me_ who came up with the stories, the excuses? Yeah, I think it was. To put it lightly, I was wondering what kind of story my husband could come up with. I slightly doubted Edward's ability to tell good stories. He had such a weird sense of humor and story telling skills to begin with. Something told me that his plan just might suck.

"I'm going to 'break up' with you," he said, using air quotes to show that he didn't really mean it. "You're going to write Charlie a nasty, hate filled letter. He knows how poorly you reacted when I seriously did leave you...," he paused, trying to collect his thoughts. I thought for a second he was trying to stop feeling guilty about that, but it wasn't his fault. I didn't know how to get that through his head.

A moment later, he said, "Anyway, you'll leave him this letter that I'm going to help you write. You wait till he's in bed and climb out your window. I'll be waiting for you in my car. We'll take you to the house, and Carlisle can change you, Bells. We'll lie low there, until you've got your strength, and then we'll move from there."

"Oh-my-God," I heard myself say before I could stop it. "You actually have a good plan for once."

I clamped a hand over my mouth really fast as he gave me a dirty look. "Sorry, it slipped out."

He nodded and chuckled a bit, though I could tell he didn't really find it humorous. "Alright," he decided. "Let's write that letter first, then your dramatics." I nodded in agreement.

About 15 minutes later, we had a pretty decent letter written up.

"_Dear Dad,"_ it read,

"_I'm sorry. But breaking up with Edward... I can't take it. I can't put myself through another time like the one last year. I'm sorry, dad, but I can't stay in Forks forever. Please, forgive me. I'm 18 now... Please don't try to contact me. I just want to forget everything..._

_I love you, daddy._

_Your little girl,_

_Bella"_.

Edward nodded and told me that it seemed alright. Dad would buy it anyway. As mean as the letter was, it made sense. If I was that distraught... that is what I would write. I knew it because I had formed those very words in my head many times before. Well, perhaps not very words, but close enough.

My eyes traveled to the clock. It was 9:30 - we would have to act soon. I nodded to him and he stood up. I flung my bedroom door open dramatically. Hollywood, here comes Bella Swan!

"Get the hell out of here!" I exclaimed. "I don't ever want to see you again, Edward Cullen!" I shoved him out of the bedroom door. "This is the last time you break my heart!" I sobbed, dramatically turning and slamming my door. My body shook with my fake sobs.

"Bella, be reasonable!" I heard Edward complain from the other side of the door. "I didn't _mean_ to hurt your feelings. I just thought she was pretty, and, yeah, okay, I was a little drunk..." He was playing right along.

Good boy.

"A little?! I call that lit! You get out of here. You'll never break my heart again, Edward Cullen. I'll never see your face again!"

I heard Charlie bound up the stairs, taking two, maybe three, at a time. "What's going on here?" He boomed, though Edward and I knew very well that Charlie had a very good idea about what was going on.

"Just because I 'cheated' on her, she's being unreasonable!" Edward exclaimed.

"Get the hell out of my house, now!" I heard Charlie exclaim, and I was quite sure that he might possibly have thrown Edward down the stairs. Or at least tried to. For the Forks, Washington Police Chief, I don't think that Charlie was actually that strong. Not like there was ever any real crime in Forks... But oh well.

"Bella, open your door!" Charlie yelled, pounding on my door. I could tell that he didn't mean it to scare me. He just wanted to make sure that I was okay.

"No! I just want to be alone!" I heard Charlie sigh and a couple moments later I heard the old floorboards creak from stress as he made his way to his room.

I waited until I could hear his rhythmic snores – perhaps an hour later – start up and continue for at least ten minutes. I grabbed the letter and taped it to his bedroom door, purposefully missing those few floorboards that creaked, and grabbed the duffle bag that I had packed in a hurry. Inside the duffle bag was the photo album that my mother had given me the year I moved up here, the CD of Edward's lovely music that he had wrote for me, and more memories that I had wanted to keep. Of course, I _had_ managed to pack _some_ clothes, though probably not as many as I should have.

As guilty as I felt taking Edward's money, I knew that his family would buy me new clothes. They were, after all, pretty much millionaires. They had made more than enough money to last probably the next 100 years, if Carlisle ever wanted to take a vacation. I knew, though, from a brief conversation on my 18th birthday, that he never wanted to take a vacation from the hospital that he worked.

It still amazed me to this day that Carlisle had been able to overcome the whole "I'm-a-vampire,-I-need-to-suck-your-blood" complex that plagued the rest of his makeshift family. Yet, I admired him ever so much for being able to work in an ER. Around all of that blood, it was amazing to me that he hadn't snapped and massacred everyone in sight. Then again, this was Carlisle that we were talking about and he had a couple hundred years or so to hone his senses. I suppose it always had been his strong point to be able to help people.

I slipped out of the front door quietly, making sure that it didn't slam against the door frame. Edward's sleek car was sitting in my driveway. I could hear it's engine purring now that I was outside, but I hadn't been able to hear it before I left the house. Charlie would never even know that I was gone.

We drove to his house in silence. I didn't want to break the peaceful silence, and I don't think that he wanted to, either. I was somewhat apprehensive about what was to come, and I had the feeling that he was too.

"Everyone but Carlisle is gone. We didn't want them in the house when he bit you... you know, just so that no one tries to kill you while he lets you bleed some," he said softly, brushing my hair out of my face.

I nodded my head.

I knew what was to come when I stepped into his house through his front door. I didn't know why the chills ran down my spine when I heard Carlisle announce his friendly greeting. He gave me a warm hug and led Edward and I to his office.


	4. Chapter 4

My eyes were unblinking as I took in the office again. Yeah, I had been in here once before, but that seemed like a lifetime ago. At any rate, it was nice to see all the books and everything that I recalled. The desk that I clearly remembered, however, wasn't in the room anymore. Now there was a pale, hard table in it's place. It dawned on me as Edward's eyes looked from me to the table that _this_ was where I would be changed.

What was that saying? "This is where all the magic happens". Oh, yeah. Thanks, MTV.

Hey, at least I found slight humor in knowing that I would soon be among the dead – the lovely vampires who were willing to accept me as one of their own.

"Bella," Carlisle said, clearing his throat and motioning to the table. I nodded my head and he ran a quick hand through his hair. I could see why the family constantly did have to keep moving. Carlisle couldn't pass for hardly 30, and he was saying that he was 34 now? Yeah, he looked way too young.

I made a quick move for the table, but Edward's arms caught me around the waist. He pressed his mouth against my neck, kissing it numbly. "I love you," I heard him say as he slowly let go.

"Edward," I said quickly, pained. "If anything happens...," I shot a quick glance to Carlisle who nodded, letting me know that this was okay to say, "If anything happens, I really do love you. And I don't want the Volturi to kill you for any reason, so don't do anything stupid if something happens."

Edward seemed confident in the best way. "Don't say something like that, stupid. Carlisle has done this before. Sure, not on anyone as living – or willing – as you, but he's done it before, and that's all that matters. He's not gonna screw up on you. And if he does, the Volturi can have me, Bella. I don't want to live in this world if you're going to not at least exist with me. I can't stand to have the stars ripped out of the lonely night sky again."

I sighed and gave him another quick hug before he helped me up onto the table.

"It's gonna hurt. It's gonna be painful. You're probably going to cry, scream, hate me for this," Carlisle noted. His confidence and honesty marveled me. Honestly, if there was no Edward to make my life better, I would have probably fallen in love with Carlisle. Sure, it would be so wrong - him being 34, me being 18. But I probably wouldn't care. Thankfully, I had Edward and Edward was all that I needed.

"It's fine, Carlisle. I apologize in advance for anything mean or wrong that I may say," I told him, flashing him my flawless smile.

Edward rested his hand on the small of my back and helped me lay down. Once he was sure that my body was completely down on the table, he moved his hand from underneath me to my arm. "I'm going to stay with you," he promised me, letting his lips graze my forehead.

"We really should hurry," Carlisle noted. "I'm sure that Charlie will be up in no time at all. When Charlie gets up and finds you missing, he'll call the cops and the whole city to come look for you. Note or no note, Bella," Carlisle added sharply. "And something tells me that this house will be one of the first ones they tear down looking for you."

I nodded and closed my eyes, waiting for the impending bite that was drawing nearer.

"You'll be better in a couple of days," Edward promised, brushing my hair from my forehead. I opened my eyes in time to see him nod to something Carlisle asked silently, and I couldn't help but wonder what the silent conversation they were having was about. Probably me. Probably about how risky this could be. Probably about if it was worse to let the Volturi get to me or have risk Carlisle doing this. I shut my eyes again, glad that I didn't know what they were thinking.

No more than one-sixteenth of a second later, I felt Carlisle's mouth pressing against my arm. It was almost identical to the place where I had been bitten by James. I felt the blood being drawn out of the incision with a great amount of precision. A moment later, I realized how much pain I was going to go through to be with Edward for the rest of God's Eternity.

Edward's hand still rested on my other arm, holding me still. I felt his grip tighten on me when I started screaming. "Fire! I'm on fire! Edward, _put the fire out please!_" I screeched. Yes, I felt as if I was on fire. I didn't have the strength to open my eyes, to plead with him using them. I thrashed about madly on the table, screaming the whole time. I wanted the fire to disappear.

"Bella," I heard Edward choke out, trying to be calm. "Bella, there is no fire. You're going to be okay. Bella, concentrate. There is no fire; you're in no pain. Stop moving, Bella..."

Of course, when you tell a hysterical person to do one thing, they immediately do the opposite. So there was the Savior, Edward, trying to convince me to be calm and be still. My brain told me to thrash about, keep screaming. Babies know that if they scream, someone will eventually tend to their wants and needs. I figured if I screamed, someone would get the fire to stop in my body.

"Edward!" I heard Carlisle say sharply as the pressure on my "good" arm increase. That caused me to scream out again. Edward dropped my arm. I tried to recall the details of what he had told me a long time ago. Something about how he was afraid to touch me, how fragile I was, because he was so strong compared to me. I could finally see why he thought that he could crush me. My arm still hurt even though he had let go.

I would have probably thought this whole ordeal was interesting if I didn't have to be in pain for it. The fire was rapidly spreading throughout my whole body. The fire was slowly killing all means of life that I had left.

"PUT THE FIRE OUT!" I cried louder, finally able to open my eyes. I felt so dizzy, so sick, so weak.

Edward said something to me – Only God know's what he said to me – and pressed his cool hand against my forehead. That seemed to calm me for the moment, but when he would move his hand away, I would scream out for him again.

Occasionally I would hear Carlisle pace around the room some. Edward would later tell me that this was because he was afraid a) Charlie would call the cops and they would show up soon b) that he hadn't taken enough blood from me c) that he had taken too much blood from me or d) that I would hate him for this when I finally realized the whole impact of this one decision that we had all made.

I slipped in and out of "consciousness," though I wasn't sure if I was actually sleeping or not. I might have just been losing my mind, piece by piece. I didn't know if sleep was still an option during the transition stages of human to vampire. I didn't care anymore. The fire was slowly starting to put itself out, and it was making sure to take all of my body heat with it.

This in and out of "consciousness" thing went on for a couple days – three or four. I lost count after, well, actually, I never really did have a correct count on how many days it was. I just knew that it was around three or four days. Edward didn't leave my side during this time, though he would update me on news of the world outside. I don't know how he would find out this information, but it was calming to hear his voice.

Sometime during the transitional phases of everything, I had been moved to the couch in Edward's room. Since Edward's room didn't have a bed, we were both on the couch. I liked it, though, and felt comforted knowing that he was near me. He was my husband. I loved him. I didn't care if I was only 18. I didn't care if he was only said to be 17. This was what I needed and wanted for the rest of my life. Edward was perfect for me.

"Edward," I mumbled. My voice sounded weird to me. I hadn't used it since I had stopped screaming. I was surprised that it wasn't hoarse, but then again, it's not like I could drink water to make my throat all better. I guess vampire's never had hoarse throats or anything like that.

"Bella," Edward breathed, pulling me into his chest.

"It's over, I think," I said carefully. I wasn't completely sure that I was done being changed, but it wasn't like any of the other days. I felt... done. Empty. I felt void, but I wasn't missing anything, either. I felt like this was how I was supposed to be.

Edward pulled me up onto his lap and smiled. "Welcome to my life," he mumbled, letting himself kiss me for the first time in days. I kissed him back, and my tongue moved inside my own mouth. I felt the pointy canine teeth that I had always possessed, yet they were somehow sharper, more ready to tear something apart.

Edward brushed some of my hair out of my face. "You're perfect, you know that? There were times where I wasn't sure that you were going to make it through everything, and yet you did. Thank you, Bella. Thank you for your tenacity. Thank you for not letting go, for making sure that you opened your beautiful eyes once again so that I could see them again."

"Edward, I wouldn't have given up on it. I wanted this so bad. This is who I am now. This is what I am. This is _our_ new life, Edward." I couldn't keep a lopsided smile off of my face when I said _our_. We shared this life now. We were complete through each other, and that was more than I could have asked for. I loved Edward more than I cared about anything I had ever given up.

A knock at the door alerted me to Alice's presence. She bounded into the room, though she was cautious and didn't approach me completely. She was studying me, grinning the whole time. I allowed myself to slip from Edward's body and steadied myself on my weak legs before murmuring, "My sister."

"We've only just got in from our hunt. We knew, though, that you were going to be changed, of course. I saw it," she added. "But when we got home, Carlisle reminded us that we all have to pack. We're leaving, as soon as possible," she added in an urgent tone. "I've got no clue of where we're going, but Carlisle's got a new job and everything already."

"Why are we leaving?" I asked, shocked. I couldn't imagine leaving Forks just yet. There had to be a reason.

"Bells, think about it," said Edward as he joined Alice and I in the middle of his room. "We can't just stay here. Your father is the Police Chief. We can't stay – everyone is already suspicious because _I_ didn't walk at our graduation. They're all spreading rumors. No, Bella. We just need to start over in a new town where no one has ever heard our names. It's best, Bells. Besides, it's not fair for you to have to stay cooped up all the time just because of who you are," he added with a quick smile.

Edward and Alice left the room for a moment to talk. While they were gone, I pulled the photo album out of my duffle bag that had been moved into Edward's room, and flipped to a page. On this page was a picture of Charlie in one corner and a picture of Renee in the other corner. My beautiful parents lost a daughter. How were they coping? I just wish that I had one chance to say "goodbye" to the both of them. Sadly, I didn't. I knew that I didn't.

This was the life I had chosen; this was the cost of getting your wishes.

I quickly stuffed the photo album away before Edward could see it. He did, however, notice that I wasn't quite "myself," but he didn't press me for a reason.

By nightfall, every Cullen car was packed with all the belongings that they cared to bring, or that they were able to bring with them. Since money wasn't an problem, they would just buy new furniture and new things in the next town. I snuggled close to Edward as he helped me into his car.

Once everyone was situated in their cars, we drove off into the twilight with great uncertainty of what tomorrow would bring.


	5. Chapter 5

We drove for a long time, stopping only to get gas for the cars when needed. That was the interesting thing about not needing sleep – you could keep going and going and going, never feeling the need to hit the brakes on your car and stop to rest. No use for the bathroom. No use for McDonald's. Just driving, letting the wheels hit the pavement.

I wasn't sure how long we drove for or where we were going. I didn't drive at all, not feeling up to the task. Yes, my body had changed. But I still felt weak and Edward said that some of it had to do with me changing. It hadn't been that long since I had been changed, and I was sure that by the time I was ready for my first hunt, I would be feeling a lot better.

"Where are we going?" I asked Edward after remaining silent for quite some time. We weren't talking much, his eyes were focused on the open road. Even though I knew Edward was going way too fast for my past personal comfort, knowing that I couldn't die just made it seem so slow. I guess once you become "undead" – or whatever the PC term for it is – it doesn't matter how fast you drive your car.

"Vancouver, British Colombia, Canada," Edward said, specifying all the details that I didn't need.

"Why?" I asked him, and he peered over at me slightly annoyed.

"Why not? We can hide up there for a while and eventually get to somewhere that there's a Vampire grouping like ours... or get somewhere that there's no sunlight. I know that Vancouver isn't the darkest place on the planet, but Emmet said he pulled up the ten-day, and it's going to be rainy and dreary for the next ten days. Just like Forks."

"Oh, _great_," I replied sarcastically. "Just what I need. We run away from Forks, so we can go to some quasi-Forks?"

Edward sighed and stared at the road for a moment. "Bells, this is your new life. We're all running away, just so you can be with us. We're doing this for you, Bella. I know that you hate Forks, I know. I know that you hate everything about this running away... but you've got what you want. You've got it. Bells, it's gonna get harder before it gets better. But I'll be with you the whole way."

I immediately felt ashamed. "I'm sorry, Edward," I apologized. I know that you're doing all of this for me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped. It's just all so different..."

Edward patted my hand gently. "Don't worry about it, Bella."

I nodded my head and took his hand in mine. Just to feel him, just to be near him. I could live like this forever and then some. And that's what I intended to do. I watched as Carlisle's car took an off-ramp.

Edward followed his father and the city of Vancouver hung in front of my eyes.

The entourage followed Doctor Cullen to an apartment complex, and I was surprised to see that he came out of the tenant's office with a key. It hadn't taken much talking, but I supposed that Doctor Cullen, perhaps, was able to dazzle people just like Edward could dazzle. On the land that the Tenant owned, there were two larger, "normal" sized houses, a couple of town houses, and one large apartment building that perhaps had one-hundred and fifty apartments, though that was just a guess.

"That was quick," I mumbled to Edward who shot me a grin.

"Carlisle is good at that kind of thing. And, with the looks of it, we'll be staying in that big house," he said, pointing to the quasi-creepy house that looked empty. It had a nice exterior, but it also just looked dead; you could tell that there was no way in hell anyone was currently living in there.

"It looks dead," I commented out loud.

"Well, we are. So I guess it fits us perfectly," he chuckled. Edward wrapped a protective arm around my waist and lead me up to the front of the house where everyone else was. It felt good; I finally "belonged" among them.

We explored the house as couples. Edward could see my distaste for the home. I thought that it was dirty, scary. It wasn't perfect. It didn't feel like the Cullen's former home. And yet, as long as Edward was with me, I would tolerate it. I wouldn't say my distaste for it out loud. I'm sure that if anyone else was as perceptive as Edward was, they would notice that I wasn't exactly happy here, but we could all soldier it out.

"I promise," Edward breathed into my neck after sucking on it a bit, "That we won't stay here for long. I promise."

Three weeks later, Carlisle had gotten a top job at Vancouver's biggest hospital and I was sure that we were doomed to stay in the gray city. Edward was wrong - Vancouver was just as restricting as Forks had been. To me, anyway. I was on "house arrest". No one trusted me to go out where there were humans. Not until I had time to hunt at least once. And Edward kept putting that off. I think he just didn't want me to see his natural side. The killer side. He would leave me at home with at least one other person and go hunt. They'd take turns watching me. It was an elaborate game to keep me safe. To keep them unknown.

By three weeks, I was tired of being cooped up in that God-damned house. I had taken to pacing around the room that Edward and I shared. Edward and Alice had gone somewhere together – a surprise for me. I _hated_ surprises, and I was seething. I was sure going to let loose on Edward when he got back. The whole _world_ would know that I was hurt and upset with him.

When Edward _did_ finally return an hour later, he thought I would be happy to see him. Of course, what _wife_ wouldn't be happy to see her husband? Oh yes. The one that was tired of being locked up. I was still pacing about our room when he came in, and he gave me an odd look. "Bells?"

"What?" I snapped, throwing a glance at him.

"What's wrong?" He asked, taking a step towards me.

Oh – the way I loved him. No! Wait! I hate him, remember? He's kept me locked up for so long. I'm furious... and yet, I'm falling all over again for that confused look that he's given me. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just hate the boy when I want to? God, fix my confused thoughts for me, please.

"YOU!" I finally managed to shout, shoving his open arms away. I was just as strong as Edward was now, but I felt defeated when he looked at me sadly and put his arms down.

"What's wrong, Bells? Let's talk about this."

Typical Edward. Let's work everything out. I'm sure that we can fix everything. What's wrong? Just talk to me. Typical Edward.

I clenched my fists tight, squeezing my hands hard. Ever since I had been changed by Carlisle, I was more angry. I was more prone to act out, especially at Edward. It was probably just because I knew that I wasn't starved, but I wanted to hunt. Ever since I had changed, regardless of how much blood I had left in me, the _thirst_ still existed. The Blood Lust was still there. And, I knew that it would only completely ever be quenched by drinking human blood, but, God... I just needed _something_. Animal or not.

"Bella, please," Edward said sternly, and I could tell that he wasn't in a good mood right now.

"You got to go out! Edward, the only time I've been out since I was changed was when I stepped into your car to be driven here and when we first walked from your car to this forsaken house. And you know what? I'm tired! I'm tired of being a prisoner in this house! I can't leave ever, can I? But if I don't leave ever," I ranted, "How the hell am I supposed to be able to deal with humans? That's why I can't leave! That's what you said — _you're too dangerous, Bella_ —" I mimicked him to a T. "—_ you don't know how to control your thirst. Not yet, too soon still... — _how the freaking _hell_ am I supposed to learn, Edward? _HOW?!_" I demanded, casting him the nastiest look that I could. I knew that if I still had the ability in my weak body, I'd be bawling my eyes out right now.

Edward met my eyes with a pained look. "Bella," he said softly. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know that you felt like that. Come here, please..." He didn't move towards me, but he didn't move away, either. He remained neutral, trying to figure out how he could stop my pain.

I moved swiftly to his arms and he just held me there for what seemed like an eternity, stroking my hair gently with his large hands. "I'm sorry," he would murmur gently into my ear, his breath not even moving my hair. I needed Edward right now more than I had ever needed any other person in my whole life.

"I'm sorry for acting this way," I apologized. I felt completely foolish now. 'Good job, Bella, I hope you're glad that you're such a screw up,' I heard in my head. I was glad that my thoughts were guarded from Edward – it would pain him so much to hear them sometimes.

"It's funny that you brought it up," he told me, holding me away from him so that he could look me in the eyes.

"Why?" I asked, searching his eyes.

"Because. Carlisle and I were talking about it. You're ready for your first hunt. We're leaving tomorrow," he added sheepishly.

"And why didn't you tell me?"

Edward shrugged. "Don't you want to know where Alice and I have been?"

I nodded, eager to hear where he had been. Edward and Alice did go out often, but I had never blown up on him. I had thought that I missed my chance to hear the story, but I hadn't. I was glad. I loved being "connected" to the real world.

"We went shopping," he said, a spark of life coming to his dark eyes. "And we bought you all new clothes. Because you didn't bring that many outfits with you, and we want you to have some new clothes. Not to wear on the hunt — the ones you wear on the hunt will probably be destroyed or covered in blood, since it's your first time... But, just for the sake of having different clothes, feeling pretty."

I pulled my body close to his. "Thank you, Edward. That's so thoughtful of you. Thank you," I murmured into his neck.

Edward lifted my chin with his thumb and kissed me deeply before moving the both of us to the couch in our room.


	6. Chapter 6

Only Edward and I were going on my first hunt. Call it some weird vampire-bonding type thing, but that's how it was going down. We didn't need anyone else there, we didn't want anyone else there. Not yet. I wanted to know how I was going to react, and I think that's what Edward wanted, too. Oh, and you know, the occasional time alone together was always nice.

Edward drove. He still insisted that I drove far too slowly for his taste, which was probably true. However, now that it finally sunk in that I _was_ immortal and I couldn't die, what was the point in taking my grand old time? Curse, Edward and his family and their thoughts on the subject matter of death were starting to grow on me.

Heaven help me.

We managed to find our way to a forest – a big, beautiful forest at that – about an hour-and-a-half or two hours from the house. I didn't know where it was; I assumed that it was the forest that Edward and Alice normally hunted at.

"You're not going to be able to control yourself once you find your target," Edward mused out loud. "You'll be a savage, Bells. I'm a savage. Don't let it freak you out." It was as if I was actually nervous about this.

I wasn't so much nervous about what could and would happen. I actually thought it might be quite fun, you know? Letting your instincts just turn themselves over and go against what you had always believed in. I had never hunted anything in my life, nor had I ever had the skill to. But now, with new skills and faster reflexes, I realized that the world was in my hand. I had the power to destroy anything I wanted. I had the ability to let whatever I wanted live (to a point; I was sure that I _wasn't_ going to be controlling _that_ instinct any time soon, though I had never been tempted to find out what it was like..).

"I've missed this," I murmured, watching as Edward parked the car. All of his movements seemed slower, as if he was becoming more aware of his own surroundings or something. He looked at me quizzically and I knew that he wanted me to continue. "I mean, us spending alone time together. With no one else around..."

"Ah, love," he said, nodding. "Me too." Edward stole a quick kiss from my lips that missed him terribly. I felt so _weird_ and off, kissing in his house. Touching each other. There were how many other people in his family? And no one, especially not Alice, knew how to knock on doors really. I was constantly paranoid when Edward and I were kissing and, well, more, that she was going to come rushing in or something. Because, that would be really scary and I would hate that and even though I can't die, I might just die from embarrassment should that happen.

Edward stepped out of the car and walked around to open my door for me. He was still a gentleman, after everything. I had thought, perhaps, that wouldn't it be awful for me to change into a vampire and for him to change his personality completely. Like it had been one big joke on me the whole time? Yeah, that would be awful. Horrible. I was so, so very thankful that Edward was still the loving, caring Edward that I had known when we lived in Forks together. It was probably the most comforting thing out of anything.

"Thanks," I murmured and he kissed me on my forehead. Already, I could tell that he was losing control of all composure that he fought so hard to keep in front of me.

The hunt in itself was a total blur. I couldn't tell you anything that happened. One moment we were thirstily drinking the blood of a deer – was it a deer? I don't even remember at this point...— and the next _I_ lost total control over my self. I felt my legs start running – that fast run that vampires could do. I hated it, but what could I do? It was part of me now... – and I had no idea where I was going. But I knew why.

Blood.

Human blood.

Precious human blood suddenly seemed a million times more better than whatever I had just been drinking. Even though I wasn't totally "thirsty", how could my body turn down the want for real human blood? How was Edward keeping himself composed? Hadn't he smelled the blood? It was so strong. I couldn't do anything to stop myself.

My eyes narrowed as I saw my 'target'. He was my prey. He didn't stand a chance. It seemed like he had been climbing, hiking, something of the outdoors-y nature type thing to do, and had fallen down and was bleeding just a bit from his forehead. He seemed like he was working his way back to his camp, his car, whatever was waiting for him. Whatever he was calling "home" for his vacation away from home.

Unfortunately, it seemed as if this could possibly be his last vacation ever.

He didn't stand a chance, poor chap. By the time Edward had realized what I was up to, I had already snapped the bloke's neck and was thirstily drinking his blood dry. There was no chance of this man becoming a vile, wretched creature of the night. I was going to make sure that no blood was left anywhere in his body. Edward didn't join in – that composition! How could I acquire it?

We ended up having to get rid of the body - duh. Edward tossed the young man's body down into a nearby ravine. It made it look like he had been hiking and had tragically slipped, fallen, bled to death. Something like that. Snapped his neck in the process of tumbling down the hill, hit some rocks. Yeah, that would work. If and when someone found the body, they would see what a terrible accident it had been.

Not a terrible accident on the young man's part. No, it wasn't his accident. It was my accident. I slipped up. I _killed_ someone. I wasn't any better than any of those men sitting on death row waiting for their judgement day. I wasn't any better than any of those moms who killed their children because they couldn't handle the pressure. In fact, I do believe that you could take all the murderers in the whole world and add them up together, their atrocious crimes, and you wouldn't be able to get one one-millionth of my horridness.

And once these thoughts penetrated my thick skull, my body started to shake. Had I the ability, I knew that my tear ducts would have swelled up with shame, sorrow and disappointment and I would have bawled my eyes out for months. But vampires don't have bodily fluids, let alone tears. Feeling miserable wasn't going to help myself, but it wasn't going to hurt me, either.

Edward took me in his arms, his t-shirt stained with blood. He looked a fright, and I was sure that I looked ten times worse. He smoothed down my hair and held me gently against his body. "Oh, Bella," I heard him murmur time after time. He was trying to calm me down.

And to think, this happened all within our first thirty minutes of our "hunt". How many more times would I screw up this weekend? I hoped no more, but I couldn't be too sure.

"Edward," I managed to say after some time.

"Mhm?" He responded, still pulling me even closer. He wanted me to be physically close to him, I guess, so that I knew that it was all going to be okay. I knew why I loved this man. I loved him because he truly did care about me, which was more than I could say about pretty much every other guy in the world.

"I'm so sorry... I've let you, Carlisle, everyone down," I said slowly. That was the truth. How could Carlisle love, let alone accept me, any more. I knew that once we got back, we would have to tell him and the rest of the family what had happened while we were in the forest. But how could I do that? Carlisle had changed me into this at my request, my pleas. Carlisle had taken me in as his own. Carlisle _was_ my father now.

I didn't like to disappoint.

"Hush, Bella. It's okay. We've all made the mistake before," he whispered into my ear. I knew that he was probably right, but I just needed to stop freaking out about it. "Do you just want to go home now? Tell him? Get it over with?"

I thought a moment. "Don't you still need to hunt?"

He waved his hand impatiently. "Bella, I want to get you home. You're obviously shaken up. I can wait until next weekend."

I felt oddly comforted on the drive home, knowing that Edward loved and supported me; yet I felt the anxiousness and fear of what was to come eating away at my very being.


	7. Chapter 7

My stomach was heavy on the ride home. I knew that was impossible; there was nothing physically in my stomach. Unless you counted all that stress and what not that was resting there. It was driving me wild. I had _killed_ a human. How awful was I?

Horribly awful.

Some Morningwood song blared loudly in my ears as I adjusted the nob to a louder degree. I wanted the music to drive out all thoughts... all emotions. It wasn't going to work. How could Edward be so calm about everything? I was falling to pieces, he was acting as if this was all normal. It wasn't normal — suppose that young man I killed had a family? What if he had someone that meant as much to him as Edward meant to me? What did I just do? Did I just destroy someone else's life by killing their loved one? How could I live with myself like this? Why couldn't I just automatically control myself? I was awful. I should die for my sins.

Too bad there was that one tiny bit of information.. Oh, yes. That one tiny bit about me being immortal! God damn!

"Bella," I heard Edward sigh and he reached over and took my ice cold hand. I hated myself this instant. I knew that I was dangerous. I had known, deep down to the very core of my being, that I was bad and dangerous. And yet I forced Edward to let me out, citing that I hated his house, hated being locked up. I think, in all honesty, that I just truly missed the smell of blood, missed the social atmosphere of life. Life had changed so much in such a short amount of time.

"Don't," I replied coldly, harshly, and I whipped my hand back. No disgusting creature like me deserved someone as good as Edward.

After all of this time, that was what still surprised me. The fact that Edward could have had anyone in the whole world, yet he chose bitchy, sarcastic me. He didn't need to care about me or love me at all, and yet he did. He loved me despite my many moods and abnormalities. He loved me more than anyone, including my parents, had ever loved me. Edward was truly a Saint among men (or among the un-dead, I should say).

I caught Edward's face in the review mirror. Hurt, confused, and I think mostly he just wanted to comfort me. He didn't pull the car over and demand to talk about it – I was sure that there would be more than enough 'talking' done at his house – but instead, Edward chose to keep his eyes on the road, driving well over 100 miles per hour the whole way. We'd be home in no time at this rate.

"Edward," I whispered and he took his eyes off the road. I was surprised at how well he could drive when his eyes were boring into mine, rather than onto the never ending road that seemed to stretch in front of us for miles and miles.

"Bella," he breathed, and I could hear the hope and wondering in his voice. He took one hand off the wheel and cupped my chin with it. His eyes briefly flashed back to the road. They were back on me in a minute, though. I was under scrutiny in his gaze, yet I needed his eyes there. They were so beautiful. Everything about Edward Cullen was beautiful.

"I... we need to talk... before we get back to the house," I murmured softly. I moved my face into his hand and pressed hard against it. I needed him to make these images and thoughts go away. Make him tell me that I am worth it. And yet, I somehow thought that perhaps I might never really be worth all of this pain and trouble. It didn't matter if I was still learning, I had screwed up and that was not forgivable.

He nodded curtly and pulled the car to a screeching halt on the shoulder of the empty road. My chest slammed against the seat belt, and I was sure that if I didn't need to breathe, the wind would have been knocked out of me. It _was_ knocked out of me by that swift motion, but it was more of a nuisance than anything else. He grinned sheepishly at me and unbuckled in lighting speed. Before I could blink, he was standing at the passenger door, waiting to help me out. Even though I possessed those powers, too, I still didn't understand how he could do it so fast and not allow me to see.

Oh well.

With good time, I was sure.

He took my elbow to help me out of the car and closed the door behind me gently. Edward led me into some woods along the road. I wasn't sure if he knew his way around, but I knew that I was safe with him. He would always keep me safe. I loved Edward. I trusted him.

"I screwed up, Edward. I shouldn't have done that. I'm an awful person for everything that —"

Edward cut me off with a forceful finger across my lips. "No, Bella," he told me sternly. "Don't feel sorry about that. It happens to the best of us. It happens to all of us. We all have times where we go off and we can't control our instincts. It _happens_, Bella. Please, don't beat yourself up for it."

"Have you ever gone off like that?" I asked, though I knew the answer.

"Yes," he said briefly, and I stared at him. I gently slipped my small hand into his larger hand. He held onto my hand in a loving manner as he stared into the distance.

"What happened?" I asked softly, not meaning to be rude, but truly, honestly caring about why he had turned his life on 'vegetarianism' for a bit of time in his life. I wondered what drove him to be like that – to basically say 'screw you' to Carlisle and go off on his own for a bit. I had heard that he had, but Edward and I had never really talked about it personally. Nothing more than decisions were made and that he ended up returning to Carlisle like a little lost puppy who needed it's parents.

Edward didn't look at me as he started to recount it. The urges, he told me, were far too strong. And he didn't believe in anything Carlisle had told him. He hated himself for being such a monster – and yet he needed more "freedom" or whatever. He needed, in a quite serious sense, to be that monster. There was nothing to stop him once he started. Once he left, he was no longer part of Carlisle's family, wanted nothing more to do with Carlisle.

"Then why'd you go back?" I asked Edward in breathless wondering.

"Because. I realized that he was right. And, I realized that morally, what I was doing, couldn't ever be forgiven. If Carlisle was right, if this is just limbo before the next world, where was I to go? I was to go to Hell, where the sinners and demons go. And, I'm sure that I'll go there anyway - they don't call us the damned for nothing - but I thought perhaps I might as well try to save myself. I tried, Bella. In the end, I realized that trying to be a 'vegetarian' was the best choice for me. If it's not what you want out of your life, Bella, I won't try to stop you. I'd probably follow you... I know I'd follow you. Anything for your love."

I felt my voice catch in my throat and I threw my arms around Edward's neck. I was probably choking him, but he didn't need to breath anyway. He and I both knew that. I felt his arms slip around my waist and he picked me up and held me close to him. I loved him.

"I would follow your love any where, Bella," he assured me. "I'd do anything to try to earn your love, too."

I didn't say anything, just kissed him square on the lips. His pointed fangs didn't bother either of us anymore, not when I had my own set. And I loved the fact that he didn't have to hold back anymore. I may still be 'weak' compared to Edward, but I wasn't completely defenseless. His normally bone-crushing hugs couldn't crush me.

"What do you say, kid? Time to get our butts back on the road home?"

"You've got it," I replied and grinned goofily as we went back to his car and started for home.


	8. Chapter 8

"Edward, I'm scared!" I whined as he tugged me behind him. We had finally arrived at our home. Wait - what did I mean finally? You could put this meeting off for the rest of my life and I'd be more than happy. Something told me I had a long life to live, and that I would be putting it off for a very long time.

"You'll gladly face the Volturi, but not my family? There is truly something wrong with you, Bells," he said, flashing his smile that could cause even me to melt. I tried to chuckle, but something that sounded more like a squeak came out. He squeezed my hand lightly.

"I know," I whispered. "God, don't I know it."

"You're home!" Alice cried ecstatically as she tackled me into Edward from behind. Where had she come from? How long had she been there? Where was everyone else? "How'd it go? Everyone's in the living room. They're dying to hear!" She raved, grabbing my other hand and started to drag me (and Edward, too) with her. I wanted to dig my heels into the floor, yell "no!", and run away. But I didn't. I was defeated. Alice had won.

"Edward, Bella, it's good to see you two safe," Esme said to us as we entered the room. All eyes were on us; all eyes were on Alice pulling me reluctantly behind, Edward pushing me forward. If only you could have seen their stares. Their eyes watched us, unblinking.

It was so un-nerving. I turned around quickly, looking Edward in the eyes. He didn't quite meet mine as he shoved me, as gently as possible, onto a couch. He sat down next to me and took my hand. He kissed it gently, holding it against his lips for quite some time before looking up to his family.

"How did it go?" Carlisle asked, breaking the silence in the room.

My stomach was in knots. I could feel it. I remembered the feeling, anyway, even if it wasn't possible for a vampire to feel those things. I remembered how it felt, to want to die. How it felt to be ashamed of oneself so much that nothing mattered. It didn't matter than Edward, my sun, was sitting next to me. It was darkness in my life. I didn't want to confess my sin, confess my mistakes. That would surely kill me. There was no way I could escape the hate that his family would soon feel for me. There was no way at all.

I was a doomed child.

I suddenly wanted to be human again. I wanted, more than anything, to be human again. To know that once they found out that I murdered someone, they would kill me. They would be swift about it, and I wouldn't have to live with the shame associated with it. I had never wanted to be more human since I had met Edward. Why couldn't I have foreseen these events? Why wasn't I more like Alice, able to rely on something like insight into the future? Why hadn't anyone forewarned me to these dangers and thoughts and feelings and actions that I would soon be facing, once I turned into a vampire.

Why?

My body started to shake. Not too violently, but shake enough that they took notice. They realized that I was under stress. "Bella," Edward hissed, turning in his seat, looking at me. "Stop." He growled once and bared his teeth to let me know that he meant business. Edward thought that I was taking this too seriously. But, truthfully, it was a serious matter. To _me_ it was serious, anyway.

"Well," prompted Jasper. They all wanted to hear about it. Why? Why did they have to be a close knit family unit? Why couldn't they be more like my parents - refusing to talk when they were in each other presence.

"There was an accident," Edward said softly. I saw Carlisle's head jolt up quickly as he stared from me to his son.

"What kind of accident?" Carlisle asked. He was careful, though. His tone didn't let any of his true thoughts in. I didn't know if that was a good thing, or a bad one, but I was happy to see that he didn't totally hate me yet. Then again, he didn't know at all what had happened, so there was no grounds for him to hate me. But, so far, so good.

"She... wasn't quite ready, if you get my drift."

Carlisle's eyes flickered to me before focusing back on Edward. "Yes, I do. And the body?"

"It looks like an accident. An over-zealous hiker fell, okay? That's the story, that's what happened. When the autopsy is performed, if there ever is one, that's what'll come back. By the time I knew what was going on, Carlisle, it was too late. She couldn't stop, I didn't want her to stop. If there was a vampire made out of that, out of an accident...," he shuddered and shook his head. "What happened has happened, that's that," Edward said, sensing that his brothers and sisters would have something to say to me.

"If you don't mind," he added, "We're quite tired and we need to talk. We're going to go up to our room now. Please," he urged, and shot an even more urgent look to Alice, "don't come to try to talk to us right now. Bells isn't okay with what happened. She really does feel bad," Edward added, making sure to look Carlisle in the eyes on that one. He then pulled me up off the couch and carried me to our room.

I was like a broken doll. I had been unable to speak in front of his family; too scared to speak in front of them.

"Do you think they hate me completely?" I asked Edward as he sat down on the couch in our room. I had taken, already, to pacing the floor. I wondered if there was anything that I really could have done to have saved that man's life. The more that I thought about it, the easier it seemed. Yes, it was my fault, but I also hadn't been able to control my feelings. Not that I was saying what happened was okay, but really. I felt better now that his family knew. They hadn't kicked me out yet, so that was a good sign (I hoped).

"Bella, they don't hate you at all. Everyone's made mistakes. It happens. You can't do anything ab out it. You'll learn to live with it, you'll learn to be like this. The first time is always the hardest. I promise you with all of my heart that it'll get easier as the time comes. I promise you that," he got off the couch and walked over to me. I had stopped pacing and had turned to face him.

"So it's okay? I mean, I don't want to ever do that again, I know, but they don't hate me?"

"They don't hate you," he agreed and kissed me squarely on the nose. "As for your nervous habits, I don't think that those are healthy. You needn't be afraid of our family, Bella. They love you because I love you."

"And why do you love me?" That question still amazed me. I never did know the answer. I never did find out why. I needed to know, though. I needed to know why he loved me. That was my raison d'etre.

"Because, Bella. If I am your sun, you are my moon. You put the stars in those starless nights that we seem to often have. When you're not here by my side, there is no reason to be alive. I've told you before - when I left you, I hated myself. I never wanted to live again. I frantically tried to search for Victoria before she got to you. I needed to know that you were okay. I had abandoned you when you needed me most. And, yet, you manage to love me. Pray tell, Bella, how do you manage to love a monster like me?"

"First off, Edward," I replied softly, sweetly, "You're no more of a monster than I am. You are my raison d'etre. I don't need anything as much as I need you. You _are_ my sun, with that you are correct. You take all of those rainy Fork days and put the sunshine and sunlight into them. The sun that I desperately need. I need you more than I've ever needed anything in my life. I love you, completely. There is no one I love more, Edward. No one." I kissed him on the lips passionately. This is why I loved to be a vampire. The kisses, the touching... everything, once I became a vampire, had become more intimate.

Edward pulled me hard against his body of stone. A giggle escaped my lips that were still pressed hard against his in a passionate kiss. I loved this man. Edward _was_ my everything, truly. You needn't look far to see that.

"I'm glad I told them not to bother us tonight," Edward growled, nipping at my ear as we fell onto the couch in unison.


	9. Chapter 9

I was sitting on the floor of mine and Edward's room, listening to "Walking on Sunshine" by Aly and AJ. Not the original, I know, but oh well. This room, like his in Forks, was wonderful when it came to acoustics.

I bopped my head along to the music, singing along under my breath. The up-beat pop tempo really had me in a good mood today. The best I'd been in since the "accident", perhaps. Edward opened the bedroom door just as the song ended, and he smiled at me. I shut the stereo off before another catchy song could come on and get stuck in my head.

"Hey Edward," I said with a smile. I greeted my husband with a hug. To me, it was still so insane that we were married. How long had it been? I couldn't even remember. The time felt twice as long, not being able to sleep anymore. And yet, I didn't mind. I had wanted eternity with Edward, and that's what I got.

"Hey, Bells," he murmured, kissing my cheek. "I have to go out... and Rose and Emmett are going with me."

I understood that he was going hunting. I knew that's what he meant. "Would you like to come with us?" He asked, and that surprised me. I looked at him, eyes wider than normal and shook my head 'no'. I was happier, and getting over my mistake, but I wasn't that confident in my skills. Besides, I wasn't completely starving. Not right now, anyway.

"I want to go in a couple days, with Alice. She said we could go together, I'd like that."

Edward nodded, "She mentioned something like that. I'll let them all know that you're not going to go, then. I wished...," his voice trailed off slowly.

"Yeah?" I prompted, my head on his stone chest.

"I just wish that you weren't afraid of this. But it's okay. Perfectly natural reaction, I'm sure. You've still got many human feelings – you always were quite empathetic, anyway."

I nodded my head in agreement. Edward swiftly kissed my head and left the room. I wasn't worried; he'd be back in two or three days. Although there was this deep hole inside of me when he was missing, I'm glad that he gave me the chance to say no and stay home. I loved Edward. I knew that he loved me, too.

They were _supposed_ to leave the next day. They weren't in too much of a hurry - they had all learned how to control themselves enough. Besides, they always planned this things. It was supposed to be sunny – North of Vancouver. They were going to hunt and enjoy the sunshine that we denied ourselves. I knew that Edward would love it.

Even though I was a vampire, Rosalie and I didn't get on too very well. There was just all of the past history between us. I let go of as much of it as I could, but there were certain things that I couldn't – didn't want to – accept from her. And I do believe that she felt the same of me; she was disgusted at the fact that I chose this life over my mortal one. I didn't understand why being mortal meant so much. I didn't understand it at all. She had everything she could have ever hoped for in her life, and more. Her life was far more than perfect...

Oh well, it wasn't any of my business anyway.

Edward was still trying to track Victoria, and it was rather unsuccessful. It seemed that she had heard what I was now, yet she still wanted to annihilate me. Yes, I was scared, but I knew that with Edward by my side, she couldn't touch me. There was no way in heaven or hell or whatever _did_ exist for us that I would be harmed with Edward by my side. It was eight-on-one when it came to the Cullen Family vs Victoria.

Rumor had it that even though the treaty with the La Push werewolves had been broken, they were still looking for Victoria. Apparently she occasionally made passes through Forks, but she was restless. Of course, this was all second hand information and Edward didn't trust where it was coming from. I didn't know where he was getting it from, so I couldn't comment on if I trusted it or not. I thought, though, that it was possible – if the La Push boys were still turning into werewolves. They couldn't, I didn't think, if there weren't vampires in the area.

The boys – Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, and Jasper – always seemed more excited to get out of the house and "explore" their world here. I guess that even though Edward was so "old", he had never lived in Vancouver. Ditto for Emmet and Jasper.

Esme was quiet. She was the quietest person to listen to, but she _was_ the mother of the house, definitely. She was always chastising someone or other for doing something wrong. It was quite humorous to watch – when it wasn't you being chastised!

Alice was Alice — exuberant, kind. She had visions of things to come sometimes, but they were mostly things that we didn't worry much on. It was okay like that, though. She hadn't had any "scary" visions, though I wondered now what I would consider to be scary. If you can't die, how can you be afraid? I didn't think that you could, but who knew.

My mind often wondered to Jacob Black. I wondered if he knew. He must know by now that I was a vampire. That I hadn't just run off without telling anyone why. He must know. He must hate me, too. I felt awful. I lost a best friend for Edward..., but Edward was more than worth it. I wondered if there would ever be a time in my life where Jacob wouldn't hate me anymore. I doubted it. He was a werewolf; I was a vampire. The two could never coexist peacefully, it seemed. I wondered myself if I ever saw Jacob again, would I want to rip him into pieces and kill him as Edward had? Is that a natural instinct? Or was that Edward being Edward? If I didn't feel that way towards Jacob, would Jacob feel that way towards me? I surely hoped not, but these were the things that you thought about when the nights no longer held the opportunity for dreams of tomorrow.

I hoped that Charlie was holding up well. I really, really did. I had never meant to hurt him, but I knew that in leaving, I sealed that fate. If anything happened to Charlie due to my leaving, it was his blood on my hands. No one else's. I knew that he had fended for himself for a long time before I came to live with him in rainy Forks, but I didn't know if he could fend for himself anymore. I was quite certain that by leaving, I broke his heart. It was a reasonable explanation to what he must have felt when I left – I knew that Charlie loved me. He didn't have to tell me that. I just knew.

And what about Renee and Phil? I truly did feel awful about leaving my scatter brained mother. I knew that when Charlie told her I had taken off, she must have freaked. Not that a mother could forget her only child, but I was quite certain that she didn't miss me as much anymore. That's how it was with Renee – she lost interest in things very quickly. Something told me it wouldn't take her long to give up the "hunt" for me.

"Bella?" Edward asked, interrupting my thoughts of my former life. He stood at the doorway of our bedroom. I had made my way back to the bedroom – he must have been in Carlisle's office researching something or just elsewhere in the house. My head snapped up at his request.

"Yes, Edward," I breathed gently.

"There's been a change in plans."

I looked at Edward curiously. "What are you talking about, you crack head," I asked, truly wondering what was up with Edward. He was just acting all... not Edward like. Couldn't Edward ever just get straight to the point? He smiled his crooked smile that I loved so much. My eyes focused on him, waiting for him to answer my question.

"We've found Victoria. If you don't mind, when we go to... 'get' her, I'd like you there. Just in case she eludes us. None of us are staying here, Bells. I don't think she will, but we're all going. There's safety in numbers, y'know?" He said, nodding his head.

"Where is she?" I asked, standing quickly.

Edward grimaced. "How much would you hate having to return to Forks?"

Had it the ability to beat, my heart would have stopped.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: This will be the last chapter I'll be posting for a couple of weeks. I'm going out of the country and won't have access to the rest of the story. Enjoy.

I took a deep breath as I pulled the phone off the hook once more. We just got back from a hunt – Carlisle figured that it was best for us all to go hunting before returning to Forks. This hunt was quite calmer in retrospect to my first try. I was glad about that.

I had been picking up the phone and putting it back down for at least an hour and a half, but I knew that I had to make this call. I knew that I had to dial the familiar number that I would never be able to forget. I just didn't know where the hell I was going to get the strength from.

I finally closed my eyes and dialed the number. In the background, I could hear Edward playing a beautiful piece on the piano downstairs. He was upset with me. He knew what I was doing, and he didn't really agree to it. But in the end, I had "won" because I wasn't his prisoner – I had my own life and I had the ability to do what I thought fit.

_Ring... Ring... Ri—_

"Hello?" A gruff voice asked, answering the phone. Clearly I was wrong when I thought Caller ID had been installed. Then again, it isn't every day that someone in Forks, Washington gets a phone call from British Colombia, Canada.

I breathed. I knew that I had to call this number, talk to him. I just didn't make any contingency plans past the part where he answered. What was I going to do? Hang up? That was a brilliant idea. No, wait, I couldn't!

"Hello?" The voice was colored with impatience by now.

Hurry, Bella. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Say something!

"I know that Victoria is still in Forks," rolled out of my mouth. I slapped my hand over my mouth. How clumsy of me! That's not what I wanted to say! That really wasn't. The normal, accepted response should have been "hello, how are you?" but that never came. Fuck. He was going to hang up. Shit. I was screwed!

There was a pause, a low growl, and the slam of a door. I waited, staying quite.

"Bella?" The voice suddenly became warm, less annoyed.

"Jacob," I whispered.

"Bella," Jacob's warm voice sounded relieved. Good. Then harsh, cold words were shot at me, "You're a blood sucker now, ain't you, Bella?"

"Jacob," I whispered again. I didn't want him to hang up on me. I couldn't handle it if he did. I needed him to be there for me. I didn't need his anger, his hate. I just needed him to be there.

"Answer my question, Bella," I hear him say harshly into the phone. I hadn't heard him ever use that tone with me. Not even when I thought that he was in a cult with Sam... Okay, well, it kinda was like a cult, but not what I had been thinking. A low growl graced the phone line.

"Yes, Jacob, I am." There was no other way for me to respond.

"I knew it! I _knew_ it! I _knew_ when you just up and left that you were with him. Charlie said over and over again that you and _Edward_," he spat the name out as if it was poison, "were over, that you had a bad fight and that it was _his_ fault that you weren't there anymore. But, I knew it. I knew that it had nothing to do with a _fight_. That you were so _madly in love_ with _him_ and not the man you should have loved. And you know what you did? You up and left. You followed that God-damn blood sucker right out of Forks for good. But no. Now you here that there's a _problem_ here, and you want to come save the damn day? You call me? Bella, what is your problem?"

I started to shake. I was sad. Jacob had been my only close friend... pretty much my only friend at all. How could he hate me so much? Just because of a couple choices that I had made? That didn't make sense to me at all. When you loved someone, as I thought Jacob loved me, you didn't yell at them like this. You accepted them for what they now were.

"Jacob," I whispered again. I missed him. "I miss you, Jacob. I know that you think this is a mistake, but we're coming back. It's my fault, Jacob. She wants to fight me, I know it. She wants to take me from Edward. We've got to win, Jacob," I had to explain this all very quickly. I knew that any second now, Jacob could chose to hang up on me. I knew that. But I also knew that I had to tell him this. This might be the last time ever that we got to talk. I didn't want that to be the truth.

"What?" He snapped, though I could tell that he was getting less angry by the passing seconds. Oh, God, help. Please, let him listen. "_He_ is going to let _you_ fight someone who wants you _dead_?"

"I have to, Jacob... I have to." I really did.

Jacob let out a long stream of cusses in a quick tone. "No. We've got it under control. Don't you dare come back to Forks."

"It's too late, the plans have been made."

"Don't you dare come down to La Push, then," he said. "I... Bella, I love you. I never right out said that to you. I know – I know – you don't feel the same. But don't you dare come down to La Push. I don't want to be responsible for your death. We'll keep Victoria in check as long as we can, but it'll come down to you," he said very quickly, as if this was paining him.

"I understand," I told him truthfully. What did I expect from Jacob. "And, Jacob?"

"Yes, Bella?" He inquired. I could tell that the longer that we stayed on the phone together, the more it hurt him. I didn't want to cause him anymore pain that I needed to, so I just had to do this quickly then get off the phone.

"I love you, too. It's not the way that I love Edward," I lingered on the name. "But... when my heart was shattered, and I thought there was no more light in the world... when I thought my heart could never beat again... it was you that saved me. I loved you then, I love you still. I just could never say that to you, Jacob – how can I give you a heart that doesn't work? It's not fair to you. I love you, Jacob, and I always will. I hope to see you again someday, if that is okay with you. Goodbye," I whispered and hung up quickly.

If vampires had the ability to cry, I'm sure that I would have sat right down and balled my eyes out. Instead I held my ground and just shook my head slightly before grabbing my bag that was packed. It was the first time that I heard the absence of Edward's piano. They were ready, just waiting on me.

"Is she there, then?" Edward asked. All eyes were, once again, on me. Thank you Cullen family!

"Yes," I nodded, affirming what Alice had already known.

"Okay, then it's settled." He took my bag from me and turned to face his family. "Bells and I will drive down in my car – the Volvo – and you can follow in other cars. We have to get Charlie to let us stay at his house. Or at least get him to let Bella stay there," he said.

"What?" I asked, Edward. "Isn't that dangerous? Do you not remember what happened the last time I was around a human? Bleeding or not?"

"Bella, you have to. You have to be able to resist the urge!"

"And if I can't?" I demanded, staring Edward hard in his eyes. Were we really discussing this in front of his family? God, this was so messed up. Bless us.

"Bella, you can! You have to! You can!" He sounded so sure of himself.

Alice opened her mouth and closed it quickly. I looked at her, and she said, "You can." and nothing more.

"Okay, so we go to Forks. Bella feeds Charlie some story – it was all a mistake, blah blah blah. We'll work on it in the car. Anyway, he will let her stay there, probably not me. Victoria won't attack for a day or so. We have to derive a plan some time, though."

"Why can't I just go back to your house with you?" I pouted.

"Because, it's a small town, Bells. Anyone sees you – anyone at all, Bella – and I can bet the rest of my eternity that the first thing they'll do is call your dad at the police station and say, 'hey, Charlie, I didn't know Bells was home. What's up with that? Do you want me to bring a casserole over?' You know it, too," Edward said.

I sighed. "It's not going to be easy."

"It's okay, Bella," Carlisle spoke up. "You can do it. And, we'll be out real soon."

I bit my lip. "I just wonder how Charlie will take that."

"It'll be fine," Alice told me gently. "Just let what happens happen." She seemed to know more than she was letting on, so I let it go.

"Come," Edward said, grabbing my hand and dragging me out to his stupid, shiny Volvo. The very thought of that made me smile. A simple thought from when everything had been so human and simple. It was brilliant. I missed it in a way.

As the car tackled miles and miles of highway in record time, Edward and I talked about the story that we would weave for Charlie. How sorry I was. It would be a brilliant story, Charlie would believe us. He would have to. I knew that he loved me. I knew that he would have to see that I loved him, too, and he would take me back.

Now, just to control those vampire urges. I knew that Jasper still had issues with it. What about me? I hadn't been a vampire for quite as long as Jasper, how could I be expected to hold back my emotions? But I knew that Alice had probably seen in her visions that Charlie would make it out of this okay. I trusted her in that. I had to. I had to put my faith in Alice's vision, even when she said no. After all, I was betting on her still. She hadn't been wrong with me yet.

Edward's too fast driving didn't bother me anymore. If we wrapped the car around a tree or two, what did it matter to me? I'd get up and walk away. Something told me that Edward had personally wrapped his car around a couple trees before – he was so _certain_ that being in a car accident wouldn't be the way for us to die. He was certain that force lay elsewhere. With the Volturi, I was sure. Or perhaps by facing another vampire. Or... hm, by mixing with a couple of werewolves. Geeze, I guess I _was_ a magnet for death disguised as bad situations.

_Great_.

We made the trip to Forks in amazing time. Two hours after we had left British Colombia, we were parked in my driveway at Forks. Charlie's usual parking spot was occupied with the Police Cruiser. Great. I was glad that he was home.

Stepping out of Edward's shiny Volvo, I could smell everything more clearly than I remembered. It was interesting – I had never missed the _greenness _of Forks before, but standing before it now, I realized it's beauty. I loved it. Except, I knew that deep down, I seriously did hate how green Forks was. It wasn't like Arizona. I needed it to be more like Arizona. Warmer, sunnier, less rainy, less green. The day that Forks, Washington was more like Phoenix, Arizona, would be the day that I decide to move here and live here forever – quite literally in my sense of the word forever, I might add.

Edward took my hand gently and we made it up to the porch. I knocked lightly on the door, knowing that Charlie would hear it. I wondered if he thought of me anymore. I bowed my head in silence, waiting for the door to pull away from the frame and open up to the wrinkled face of my hard working father.

That moment came a second later, and Charlie looked shocked when I looked up.

"Bella?" He asked, softly as he pulled the door open. I nodded, and his wrinkled eyes became hard as he saw who was holding my hand. Charlie's scent suddenly became mouth watering, but Edward squeezed my hand tightly. I knew that I wouldn't be able to hug Charlie, wouldn't be able to be left alone too close to him, but that was okay. I loved him just the same.

"What're you doing here? _You're _the one who drove her off," he spat at Edward.

"I've come to return her. We've got some news to tell you, but we've had a long drive. We were just wondering if Bella could rest here for the night and then we'd talk to you in the morning?" Edward offered, very poetically. He was using his charm to win my father over, I could tell. And Charlie, it seemed, was eating it up.

"You're not pregnant, are you?" He asked, quickly, looking alarmed. I realized that every father in a small town was probably worried about the same thing – their baby girl running off with some boy who didn't even matter, and coming back a few months later with or without the boy to deliver the fateful news that they were expecting a child. Ha, dream on, Charlie.

Something told me that all systems for baby making that I possessed were pretty much "broken", though not in the literal sense of the word. Vampires couldn't have kids, could they? As far as I knew, no, they couldn't. And that was okay. I didn't need to be fat for nine months, thank you very much. Yes, I'd love one day to be a mother, but that didn't have to be for a long time. Perhaps one day Edward and I could create a clan much like that of Carlisle's and Esme's, but Edward and I didn't really look old enough to have a teenager for a child of our own. Oh well, that was okay. I could accept that heartbreak.

"No, dad, I'm not. But I'm really, really tired..."

"Oh! Right! Your room is just the way that you remember it, Bella. I didn't change anything in there," he told me. Edward moved to lead me up to my room.

"What do you think you're doing?" Charlie asked, his voice full of hate and anger. I remembered the day that we got back from Italy... how mad Charlie had been. But his anger quickly subsided. I could see that it would subside again this time. Thank you, God.

"Just let me take her up to her room. I'll be out in a minute, I swear. Then I'll go home... and I'll see you tomorrow morning to talk with you," Edward promised in a suave tone of voice that made me look at him. He was good at this. Charlie nodded.

Once in my room, Edward promised that I wouldn't be in my house alone with Charlie for more than five minutes. Just long enough to dispose of the Volvo and run back here. That was fine with me. I could handle it.

Edward kept his promise and was soon back by my side, in my bed. We spent the night stealing kisses and talking about how to dispose of Victoria, once and for all.


	11. Chapter 11

Edward "came over" around seven the next morning. Charlie was sitting downstairs, eating his breakfast at the kitchen table. I supposed that he thought I was sleeping off the nights events. How I had missed this family unit type thing. Anyway, I knew that Edward was coming. It was one of those vampire senses – you could sense when someone was coming. Really, he hadn't been gone for that long. Just five minutes, maybe.

While he had been gone, I held my breath. After his shower this morning, Charlie smelled extremely, extremely good. If I smelled so good to Edward, how did he resist? Actually, I probably smelled better to Edward than Charlie smelled to me. So, how did Edward fight the temptation that he was born to have? I didn't understand.

The temptation seemed so hard to overcome. I held my breath, I paced around my room, I counted to one hundred several times. Nothing really seemed to work. I just had to do my best and hope that Alice was right. Actually, I was still betting on her being right. She hadn't been wrong yet.

I was happy to sense his arrival, no matter how short the time. It seemed like years waiting for him to come back. Literally. I guess, perhaps, time passes by more slowly when you can't die. Or maybe I'm just wrong. Who knows. Regardless of what I know, I flew past the kitchen where Charlie was eating breakfast, and yanked open the door before Edward could talk. My stone body slammed against his stone body and he smiled.

"Good job," he rewarded me, then kissed my forehead quickly before leading me back into the house.

Charlie had visibly stiffened, and he sat his fork down. He had made himself an omelet, or something like that. "I didn't know that you were awake, Bells." My father glanced at me, then at the arm that was wrapped around my shoulder tightly. I saw his mouth pull into a tight, thin line.

"Yeah," I said offhandedly. "I was pretty wiped out, though, last night. Thank you for letting me... come home, dad." I was trying to sound very thankful, and apparently Charlie understood that because he smiled his best smile for me.

"Where have you been, Bella?" Charlie asked me, totally ignoring my lovely boyfriend whose arm remained around me. "Where have you been, baby girl? I've missed you so much. So has your mother," he added, as though to remind me that I had a mother and that she loved me very so much.

"We were in L.A.," came Edward's strong voice. "Carlisle went back to the hospital for a bit there. He missed the rush and excitement that a big town can bring. It seems that aside from Bella, Forks does have a very slow hospital. Of course, Carlisle loves it dearly, but he needed to go to L.A. for a bit."

I smiled at Edward. Beamed, really. How he had come up with such the perfect lie was amazing to me. He had always relied on me or Alice for making up the "stories" about whatever we were up to. When he was honest with Charlie, it was fine. He just totally sucked at making up stories for Charlie. Something in my head, though, told me that Alice had helped him when he quickly returned home this morning. Who knew.

"Oh," said Charlie simply. His eyes were trained on me. I supposed that he was looking for any sign at all of my discontent. Any sign of my zombie-ness returning to my features. I knew that he wouldn't find a trace. Unless Edward and I were separated for a long period of time..., I would never be unhappy again. I knew that. I knew that I loved Edward so much that it was just his mere presence that kept me sane... that kept me happy.

Had anyone in the history of the world ever loved this much? Even Romeo and Juliette didn't seem capable of loving the way that Edward and I loved each other. I knew that the rest of the Cullen's loved each other very much so... I knew that Alice loved Jasper in a very tangible way... but was that enough? Was that more than Edward and I? No, I sincerely doubted it.

"Are you here to stay?" Charlie asked me lightly.

"No, I don't think so... We were in the area, though, and I missed you, daddy." I was playing it up just a bit. Yes, I had missed him, but I don't know. Just not the way I was leading him on to think. "But, if it's okay with you..., daddy? Can I stay here for a couple days? Two weeks at the most? I promise that I won't be any trouble to you at all. I promise. It'll be like I'm not even here," I swore. That would be true, too. We would be too busy tracking Victoria.

"That's fine, Bella. But you'll be leaving again, then?"

"Sorry, Dad... it's just... after L.A., I realized how much I miss Phoenix, miss the sun.. miss the city life. We need to go somewhere like that. Edward and I, I mean."

His eyes narrowed and he looked at Edward. "What're your intentions with my daughter, Cullen?"

"Well, Charlie... y'see, we kinda already tied the knot..." his finger ran over my wedding band. I remembered how cool his touch used to feel, but now it was just normal. It was the same as my skin.

"Dad, please..." I whimpered, he looked like he was going to go nuclear on us or something. I couldn't get the image of Charlie after Harry Clearwater's death out of my head. Oh my God. What if he had a heart attack? It'd be all my fault! Not cool. _Please, just let him calm down_, I thought. It was almost as if I was willing him to just be calm, cool about it. I could care less if he walked out the door right now. I just didn't want to be responsible for my fathers death. I couldn't handle that... besides, if he died, what was to stop me from drinking his blood clean? How horrible was that thought! Ugh, these stupid temptations sucked.

I looked up at my father, my eyes full of fear and worry about his health. He seemed to visibly relax, though, at the sight of my stress.

"Bella,... I just want what's best for you," he told me gently, looking me in the eyes. "I need to go, though. Work and all," Charlie said gently, touching my shoulder. I wanted to attack, but Edward squeezed me closer.

"You two behave," Charlie muttered as he walked out the door.

I stared after my father quizzically, wondering what he possibly could be thinking. My gaze then traveled to Edward, who knew exactly what I wanted from him.

"Charlie's... trying to not... he's just scared, Bell. He loves you very much. You hurt him a lot when you left. You knew that. He just wants what is best for you... even if that means me. He is going to go to work and pretend that you didn't show up here."

"Oh," I echoed my father's sound perfectly. I guess it made sense. I had hurt him, he needed to know that I meant well. I swore, though, that this time... when I left, I would try to keep in contact. There was nothing against that, was there? I didn't think so. I could "be" with Charlie for the rest of his life that was. Same way with Renee. I could never visit, but... I could at least let them know what was going on. Perhaps... I'd talk to Edward about it later.

Edward was dragging me out to his car. "Where're we going?" I asked Edward, voicing my thoughts.

"My house. Carlisle needs you to call _Black_ and set up a time and place to meet. We need to know what's going on."

"Oh! I know how to get to his place, though!" I exclaimed. "Why can't we just go there?"

"We're not allowed at La Push, remember? Besides, technically, we broke the treaty." Edward reached over and ran his finger down my cheek. It left a tingling sensation where it touched. "We're in 'trouble' with those wolves," he snorted. I had a feeling that Edward figured that a bunch of werewolves weren't any trouble at all.

Later, when I made the phone call to the Black's place, no one answered. I had figured as much. Those poor boys down at La Push were probably going wild – the Cullen clan was back, plus they were still dealing with Victoria. That must really suck for the wolf pack. I didn't know who I would pity more – Us, being stuck in the middle of all of this, or the wolves because they were being torn in two different directions.

"Edward," I called in a low tone that no human would have ever heard. Edward heard it, though; he was at my side in seconds.

"Yes, Bella?" He questioned, his eyes searching mine. I looked away first.

"I'm going to go for a walk, okay?" I just wanted him to know, just in case I didn't come back. That was totally a possibility. Just because..., I was going to try _my_ hand at tracking. I was looking for Jacob, but I knew full well that I ran the possibility of running into the pack, or worse, Victoria. I tensed at the thought of that. Yuck, last person that I wanted to see!

His eyes narrowed into slits. "Why, Bella?"

"Because... I want to go for a walk..."

"Then I'll go with you."

"I want to go alone."

"No, Bella. It's too dangerous. Besides, I think there's something that you're not telling me, Bells."

I rolled my eyes. Even though Edward couldn't read my mind, he always seemed to know. We had thought that if I became a vampire, perhaps my mind would open up to his. Instead, it remained just as locked as before. Perhaps that meant our dear friend Dimitri from Volterra would never be able to find me. That would be quite funny, I thought. Well, not even funny, but interesting. I hadn't shown and "powers" since I had changed, so I wondered why I was immune to their special powers. Perhaps my inability to react to things like that _was_ my power, though I doubted it because it was kinda sucky if you asked me. I wanted to be able to do something _cool_ like Jasper or Alice or Edward, or even one of the Volturi. That would be wonderful.

But, no. Even in this life, I was just plain, simple Bella. How fun was I? Not very.

"Fine, Edward," I said, my arms drawn across my chest. "I want to find Jacob."

"Absolutely not!"

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"YES, Edward!"

Carlisle and Esme both came to find what we were yelling about. It wasn't too often that the "perfect couple" got into a fight that had us baring our fangs and growling viciously. We were in a stalemate, it seemed. Another impasse in our turbulent, loving relationship. I wouldn't change this for anything.

"What's going on you two?" Carlisle asked, stepping between us. He placed his hands on Edward's shoulders and pushed him back.

"She's trying to get herself annihilated!" He growled, snapping his teeth at me.

"I am not! He's being impossible!" I snapped back. Esme placed her arms around me in a hug.

"How is she trying to get herself annihilated?" Carlisle asked Edward calmly.

"She...wants...to...go...looking...for..._Black_..." He breathed out.

"That is a problem," Carlisle agreed. "But you can't stop her, Edward, if she wants to. Besides, how beneficial would it be for her to talk to someone who has been tracking Victoria actively? We haven't been able to pick up her scent yet – Emmett just got back twenty minutes or so ago. He found _nothing_. Perhaps Jacob Black and his... crew... would be of _some _help, don't you think, Edward?"

"Fine," he snapped. "Come, Bella. We're taking the car."

He drove like a maniac.

"This has got to be the dumbest idea you've ever had," he said between his teeth. I was keeping my eyes on the woods, searching for any sign of anything.

Tree, tree, tree, tree, deer, tree, tree, tree, possum, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree... Person!

"Stop!" I screeched.

The wheels locked onto the road and I flung the door open as I ran towards the familiar person who was emerging from the woods half dressed.


	12. Chapter 12

Edward was out of the car a second after me, not turning it off at all. Just parked in the middle of the road. How safe. Oh well, we didn't have time to be safe. Or at least, Edward felt as if he didn't have time to try to be safe.

"Bella?" came the confused voice hidden beneath a growl.

"Jacob," I breathed softly, staring at his body. "What're you doing?" I felt my fangs show themselves as my lips parted. A low growl was released by my body, quite by accident.

Edward stood next to me, his hand on the back of my neck. I heard him not even trying to conceal his dislike, his growls were so menacing and loud. I shoved him off of me, rubbing the back of my neck where his steel grip had been holding tightly. Had my heart the ability to beat, it would have been pounding through my chest. I took a step towards Jacob, and Edward's growls became louder.

"So you did turn," he said softly, his shaking was pretty subdued. I wondered how he could control it, though I felt much calmer myself. "I mean, I know you told me the other night..., but somehow, I didn't believe you," he said in his Sam voice. That was, the voice he used when he was with Sam, disgusted with anything I did. I saw a ripple run through his body, though he stayed "human".

"Yeah," I said offhandedly. I shot a look at Edward. "Leave us or shut up," I said to him.

Edward growled and bared his teeth in response. That actually did scare me. I wasn't joking around when I said that Edward _was_ the scariest thing that I knew. Not only could he leave me acting like a zombie, but he could be so scary. I didn't fear for my life when he was near, not normally. But this was different. I was fearing for Jacob's life.

"Have you any idea where Victoria is?" I asked Jacob quickly, knowing that we had little time. I still had to keep my promise to myself : one day, I would see Jacob Black smile again.

"No, sorry." He really did appear to be sorry. Then, "But I'm sure that _you_ bloodsuckers won't have any problem finding her, now will you?"

"No, we need your help, Jacob. She's killing innocent people... we haven't got a clue where she is. We've only just arrived back, but we can't pick her trace up."

"She circled around Forks several times, then it's like she's disappeared. But she's still here, Bella, because every now and then, we get a whiff of her. We just don't know where she is hiding. But, we're only guarding La Push territory, really." He let out another growl, shooting a glance at Edward.

It was easy to see. Edward was Romeo, Jacob was Paris. Paris will eventually fall before Romeo. That's how it worked. And, yet, if I were to play the fair maiden Juliet in this play, I wanted no part of _my _Romeo killing _my_ Paris. I wanted it to be like many of the stage performances – just leave out that detail; let Paris walk free.

Somehow, judging by the glares on the both of their faces, that was never going to happen. But we didn't need any blood being shed. Not just yet. Edward yanked my arm roughly and pulled me towards him. "You've got your answer, we're leaving, Bella."

"Fine," I said softly. I looked at Jacob with sad, soft eyes. His face was hard and cold, his body was shaking violently. "Bye, Jake..." I said over Edward's growling. I got into the car and Edward sped away.

"Awesome! Let's go in for the kill!" Exclaimed Emmett and Jasper in unison after Edward finished telling everyone what Jacob had said to us on the road. I shook my head solemnly. I couldn't help but thinking that in fighting, we were just going to be causing more problems. Aside from the fact that she was killing innocent people, I saw no problems with her wanting to kill me.

"Just don't forget that she's dangerous," I warned them.

"Psht," said Emmett. "She's no worry, Bella. She's nothing. I doubt that she could do much damage. Especially to a group as large as ours. Don't worry about it."

"Bella is right," warned Esme. "I know that we have to kill her, we have to get rid of Victoria, but we have to be careful and make sure that no one gets hurt. Are the werewolves going to help us?" She asked the question with her eyes trained on me.

Edward growled loudly. I kicked him under the table that we were sitting at. What an asshole. I wasn't going to run to Jacob. Yes, I loved him. Yes, I truly, truly did love Jacob. But... he wasn't my Romeo. Jacob was merely my Paris... yet he was my Paris in the sense of Paris and Juliet being the best of friends. But no. Juliet goes for Romeo. That _is_ why it was called _Romeo and Juliet_. Not_ Romeo and Juliet and Paris_. Just _Romeo and Juliet_. It was the story of two lovers, not three. Edward needed to realize that I loved him more than anything could ever mean to me. But, he was being stupid about it, I could see.

"Not on _our _territory. They're keeping their eyes on La Push," I responded calmly. "But they really don't need to... I mean, honestly, the treaty was broken, so I don't think they see the need to stay there. But for now, they're staying on La Push."

Carlisle spoke for the first time since Edward had revealed the news. "I think we should wait — a week at the most. She'll surely know that we're back in town, she'll know that Bella is with us. Bella, I hate to use you as bait, but... do you mind?"

I waved my hand impatiently. "Not at all, Carlisle."

"Then, we'll just use Bella to lure her from wherever she's hiding. Emmett, Jasper, Edward and I can then go in for the kill. We won't need any other help," he said sharply, looking at Alice. She looked as though she was about to protest, but she didn't.

"Where will we place Bella to lure her?" Edward asked carefully. It was easy to see that he trusted Carlisle's instincts, but was still being overly protective of me.

"The meadow," I responded. It was where Laurent had died, it would be where Victoria would die. It just seemed to come to me. No real amount of thought needed to be put into it.

"When, then?" Edward asked impatiently.

Carlisle answered this one. "Give it a week, Edward. She needs to know that Bella is back. She also needs to see what she's dealing with – the werewolves and us."

I spoke up now, "I won't be able to stay with Charlie for a week. Not that long. That's too long. It was driving me crazy, just one night. I can't... I don't want to hurt him," I explained. I knew that they understood. I just didn't know what we could do about this issue.

"You can stay here," Carlisle said, looking quickly at Alice.

"Yes, you can," she agreed, nodding her head. "Charlie will understand. He'll... be grateful... as long as you _do_ come and visit while you're in Forks." Her eyes were slightly unfocused, but I knew that she was being truthful. I wondered what else she saw. I knew that she would only tell me if she wanted to, only if it was important to my being.

"Okay," I mumbled softly. "Come, Edward. We have to have a talk. And _I_ have to make dinner for Charlie."

I got up from the table, my eyes lowered. Edward walked out to the car with me in silence. I could tell that he was seething. He needn't say it out loud; Edward was just a little more than pissed off at me. Oops – oh well. We'd work it out, I knew that much to be true.

Edward wasn't nessicarily mad at me. He was mad at the situations I was constantly being thrown into. When I was human, it was his "fault". But, in all honesty, it wasn't anyone's fault. It was just Edward being guilty. He had this complex about him, something I would never understand, that made him constantly feel guilty. I kinda, sort of wished that Jacob had that same issue. That he would feel guilty enough about this to stay human and just talk to me... just for five minutes alone.

Oh, what would I do for that.

But I did have to remember that if Romeo ever fault Paris, it would be the end of Paris. And even though I loved Romeo far more than anyone I had ever known, I would be just a little more than plain, old heart broken if _my_ Paris were to die.

"Edward, please, calm down," I pleaded again for the millionth time as I stood at the kitchen stove. I was making stir fry for Charlie. Yum. I hoped that he enjoyed it. It didn't smell very appetizing to me at all.

Then again, perhaps I was a bit biased. Who knew, who cared?

"What?" He snapped, but his eyes softened a bit.

I stared at him harshly. "You know what I mean. You're obsessing. I can tell, Edward, so don't you dare deny it."

He lowered his eyes into mine. His eyes were far more menacing than mine had ever managed to look. I was sort of envious of that, but not really. Then again, Edward was able to put on the "what-girlfriend? Pay-attention-to-me-long-enough-that-I-get-the-information-I-need" eyes. I was most definitely jealous of him there. Grr, Edward always won!

"You love Jacob," he said.

"You know that."

"You love him more than you told me before. And he loves you so much that it's sick. He shouldn't be allowed to breathe the same air as you, that filthy good-for-nothing werewolf," he snarled.

I shot him a reprimanding look. "What are you on Edward? You know that I love you most."

"You love him just the same, Bella! I can't stand that! _And_ he thinks that _he_ has a chance with you!"

"You're jealous of Jacob, Edward! You left me! _You left!_ Not him! You!" I shot at him angrily. I whirled around from the stove to face him completely. My body language was reading "extremely pissed off" right about now. "_He_ was here for me! I needed him more than you could have realized. Yes, I love him. But you know what, nothing will ever, ever compare to this," I said, placing my hand on his chest as I started to calm down.

"Nothing?"

"Nothing," I confirmed.

"Fine. As long as I'm Romeo."

"You know you are, Edward. You know that you are."

And yet, when I said those words... I some how felt as if I doomed Jacob's fate...

_My Paris..._


	13. Chapter 13

My outburst last week had hardly phased Edward. Yet, it phased me. Was there something that I should be worried about with Jacob? Was Jacob going to be alive much longer? When was Victoria going to finally give up on "waiting it out" and attack? I was tired of being seen as bait. I was tired of not knowing if Charlie was going to be safe every moment of his life.

Charlie had been okay with my request to stay with Edward while we were back in town. That is, on the condition that I came and visited him at least once a day. That was no problem. This was probably the last time in his life that I would ever get to see him. I hated to think about that. Whenever I went to visit Charlie in the evening, Edward had to come along with me. Or Alice, sometimes. Someone else had to be there, to keep me in line should things go haywire.

"Bella," Edward said as he approached me one evening. I was sitting in Carlisle's den. I had been talking to Carlisle, listening to stories of how the world was at one point or another. It was way better than a high school history course; Carlisle had been there. He was able to analyze details and give a first-hand eye-witness account to what had actually happened while events unfolded. I just found it fascinating. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly happy when Edward interrupted my history lesson.

Don't get me wrong; I loved my husband very much so. It's just that every once in a while, I liked to spend time with people other than Edward. How my body ached when I thought of my Paris..., and what I would do to get to spend just five minutes alone with him. I needed Jacob more than I let Edward know.

"Hey, Carlisle," Edward added gently upon seeing his father sitting across from me. Both sets of our eyes were carefully trained on Edward as he moved gracefully into the office-den. I wondered what on Earth he could possibly want from me now. I was hoping that it had nothing to do with Victoria. I wasn't sure if I could take this stress any longer.

It was funny. I thought that once you turned into a vampire, the emotions, the pain, the stress, the... everything went away. For me, it seemed the opposite. It seemed that everything, regardless of it was mine or if it was the recent reports on the HIV/AIDs epidemic or the Autism Epidemic or the... you-name-it epidemic, seemed to be magnified. All of the "epidemics" of the world seemed to be booming. My heart seemed to be bleeding, pouring at the seams, from not being able to help. I just wished I could take the pain away.

I think that was a special trait that I brought into this life with me: my empathy. You couldn't say that everyone on the face of the Earth was as empathetic as I was. Unfortunately, you also couldn't say that everyone on the face of the Earth wasn't as helpless as I was. As empathetic as I was, I couldn't do anything about it.

"Hey Edward," I muttered softly, looking up at him. He was so handsome. I was so undeserving. I also wasn't exactly being the most trusting wife at the moment. I had no idea what he wanted from me right now. I knew he wanted something – the way he was looking at me told me so – I just didn't know what it was.

"Hey Edward. Pull up a chair. Bella and I were just talking about history. She's getting an eyewitness account," Carlisle said, flashing his model like grin. Ugh. To be 300 and to look hardly over 25. How jealous was I? Oh wait. That would eventually one day be me, too. I wasn't so jealous once I remembered that.

"No thanks," Edward responded. "I just wanted to let you... let you two know that Victoria has tried to break our circle. We're going to be needing you later tonight, Bella. We're gonna go in for the kill today."

Had it any power, my heart would have been pounding roughly against my rib cage. I didn't know how I could stand hearing that, not freaking out, not responding. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I nodded my head quickly. My eyes were downcast so that Edward couldn't see the doubt that I had. I didn't know who would kill Victoria. I could only say my silent prayers to a God that Edward didn't believe in, and pray that everything would be alright.

"Bella," Edward said. My name sounded rough against his voice, like he was holding something back. That wasn't the Edward I knew. He was never one to hold something back —not anymore, anyway— , but I let it slide. What other choice did I have? I was quite helpless in that situation.

My eyes quickly flickered to Edward. "Bella, are you okay with this?" I heard move from his lips at an alarming rate. I knew that he was trying to protect me. He wanted nothing more than for me to "wake up" from this nightmare. I knew that he was still not very pleased that I was a vampire. In some ways, he loved being with me in more intimate situations. In others, he wondered why he let myself do this. He knew how much I missed Jacob, Charlie, Renee... he knew that it killed me, yet he knew that I would have died without this option. I knew that it was hard for him to justify, though, my Romeo would never admit that to my face.

"I'm perfectly fine with this, Edward. This is what we have to do," I told him confidently. My eyes didn't quite meet his, but he knew that I was being sincere. He rested his hand on my shoulder for a second – a quick squeeze, and then he left the room.

I looked to Carlisle. "It's okay. I think that Edward is only just worried. He's worried that something will go wrong. That Victoria will get to you and he won't be there to save you. He's... I daresay that he's probably making his stupid _contingency_ plans again." The way Carlisle spat out the word contingency startled me. I had never heard him speak in such a manner; I had never in my life heard Carlisle speak with such hate before.

"Forgive me, Bella," he said softly. "I didn't mean to speak harshly like that. It's just that... Edward is my son. You're my daughter, you know. I just don't want any harm to come to either of you. I don't want Edward to feel as if he has to harm himself, though. Losing you – however safe this mission is, you know there is still some danger yet – would do worse than kill him. He'd be getting off "easy" if he killed himself. You have to realize, though, that I don't want him to kill himself. Not because it'd be easy or anything, just because I do believe in salvation for us. I know that you know that. I just wish that Edward understood why."

"I think your ways have won him over," I admitted softly.

"How so?" Asked Carlisle.

"He'd never admit it to you, but when we were in Italy... when I slammed my body into his, trying to force him back into the shadows... he said something to the extent of, 'So Carlisle _was_ right'. I think he believes in you, believes in your word, more than he gives you credit for, Carlisle."

Carlisle looked shocked, then a bit flattered. "If you'll excuse me," I said softly to him, and bowed out of the office. I wanted to let Carlisle alone for a little bit, to contemplate what I just said to him. Besides, I wanted to say "goodbye" to Jacob one last time.


	14. Chapter 14

I never expected Edward's blessing. Of course I told my love what I would be doing. I told him that I needed to go see Jacob. I told him "Thank you" for not fighting me on it, just letting me go anyway. I knew that it wasn't the brightest idea ever, but that was okay. I didn't need it to be bright. I just needed to know that Edward wouldn't hate me for it.

I was actually surprised that it didn't cause a fight between the two of us. I do think that Carlisle said a couple of words to Edward on my behalf. I kissed Edward shortly on the cheek before I left, taking his car.

"If I were Jacob, and I knew that Victoria was bound to strike at anytime, where would I be?" I wondered out loud to myself as I carelessly sped down the back roads that wound their way to La Push.

I didn't have to look too far. About a mile out of La Push – thank God. I knew that I wasn't welcome on La Push soil – I saw Jacob walking along the road. This wasn't the same boy that I left in Forks. He was even larger than he had been when I left, his skin seemed more tan that ever, and his hair wasn't so short anymore. Sam still made sure that it stayed nice and trim, but it appeared to be getting back some of the shagginess that I had loved so much. My Jacob seemed to be returning, or so I hoped.

Jacob was a complicated emotion. He wasn't Edward, I knew that. But Jacob did hold that very special part of my heart – the tiny corner that never died when Edward left. Edward owned my whole heart, my whole soul, but Jacob's name was imprinted on the one corner that was his. I couldn't ever forget the way that he treated me. How, even though he knew I was so broken, he loved me. How he knew that I could only be "just friends", and he agreed with that for the longest time when Edward wasn't around. How, when I jumped off that damned cliff, he saved me and took care of me when I had let my Edward know I was dying. Jacob was, and apparently still is, a very important staple in my life. Without Jacob, the Bella Swan that everyone knew – or thought they knew – would be long dead. And I don't mean vampire dead. I mean six-feet-under dead.

And that was major.

So it didn't really surprise me. That repulsed "what the hell are you doing here" look that I received, when Jacob looked up and saw my car veer to the side of the road. I hit the four ways, ignoring that stab of pain that I knew I should have felt.

I slowly opened the driver's side door, calling out his name softly. I knew that he heard me. Even before he was a werewolf, he had good hearing. I remembered that. Now we both had good hearing – selective, but good.

Jacob's eyes stayed focused on me. He snarled out a, "Where's lover boy, Bella?" in a harsh, unexpected tone.

I coiled away from the anger and pain in his voice, before lifting my chin in a defying manner. "Jacob, can't we just be friends? Can't we be peaceful with each other? It's me, Jacob. It's Bella. You know me..." I was pleading with my best friend to listen to me, to care about me.

Jacob's attitude towards me did seem to soften slightly, though I could tell he was still be guarded. He was well aware that he wasn't on La Push territory, and I think that bothered him slightly. I knew that he could have Sam's gang out there in a second, but I don't think that he wanted to resort to that. Not when it came to me. Nevertheless, I saw his body shudder one of those awful shakes that I had grown accustomed to help stopping. I was saddened that my words couldn't comfort him enough to let himself take control.

"I've told you before," he growled. His voice was low, soft. He knew I could hear what he was saying. "I'm sorry I'm not the right kind of monster for you. So why do you keep tormenting me, Bella? Why?" His voice sounded as if it was about to break with pain and sadness. That wasn't cool.

"Jacob, I don't mean to torment you." I took a step closer to him.

"And yet you do!"

"I want... I don't want to torment you. You're my best friend, Jacob."

"You can't have it both ways, Bella! You can't be like this and expect me of all people to bow down to you! You can't expect that it can ever go back to the way that it was! How do you think you can get away with that!" He snapped, his anger hitting a new high with me. He had never really lost it with me. Never really "snapped" on me like that before. I didn't like it. In some ways, it was worse than when Edward was disappointed in me. In some ways, it wasn't. I didn't know; Jacob was a confusing part of who I was.

"But if I wasn't a vampire? If I was just with him?" I poised the question, folding my arms across chest in a protective stance.

Jacob shook his head. "I couldn't, you know it. Bella," he choked. "I still care a great bit about you. How could you do this to me!? How could you do this to us?!"

I immediately felt guilty. He was right; I had known that before I changed. And I had known, in that part of my brain that always tried to reason with me, that if I allowed Carlisle – or anyone, actually – to change me, I would kiss my friendship with Jacob goodbye. But the rest of my brain told me that was just me being silly and, of course, that wouldn't happen because that was just ridiculous. There was no reasoning in my brain as to why I would lose my best friend in the whole world...

Except, I had become the "monster" that he hated.

And he was the "monster" that I was supposed to hate. Yet, because it was Jacob, I couldn't hate it. The monster was my Jacob. My sweet, innocent, playful Jacob. How could you hate something when someone so pure was it? I couldn't. Just like I couldn't truly call a vampire a monster. My love, Edward, was a vampire. How could that really be a monster? It couldn't; he was so pure and right.

"Look, Jacob. I came to warn you. Victoria is going to strike soon. I just wanted to warn you guys at La Push to, please, be extra careful. She's after me and she won't stop until she gets what she wants." I kept my tone even, my eyes boring into his. He blinked first.

"If you were mine," he vowed, "I would have _never_ put you in danger like that. I would have protected you. Yet he's letting you participate?"

"It's my decision. Not only am I an adult, Jacob, but I'm the same as he is. Yeah, I get hungry, but I don't... kill people." The vision of when I had flashed in my eyes, and I felt repulsed with myself. "I am the same as him. Do you hate me too?"

The question was innocent enough. His answer came unexpectedly. "Yes, I must. There's part of me that will always think of you fondly," he added as if he had rehearsed this, "But I hate you for what you are. You were such a kind, empathetic person, Bella. We could have lived 'happily ever after'. You chose that _monster_ over me. I can never forgive you for that; I can never love you the same."

I nodded my head. If I were human, I'd probably have sat down and bawled. It's interesting when you're made of steel and nothing phases you like that anymore. I just shrugged the words off. I'd never forget them, no. But I wouldn't cry myself to sleep for weeks over them. They were words, carelessly strung together. Jacob didn't really mean them, and if he did, oh well. So be it. I still cared for him, and there was nothing that could change that for me. I didn't love him; but he was _Paris_ after all.

"Just..., Jacob, promise me that you'll be safe. Okay? I don't want anything to happen to you, even if you do hate me."

"Whatever, Bella. I'll 'be safe'."

I smiled satisfied, though there was so much more that could have been said. Instead I waved a goodbye to him and walked – head held high, of course – to my car. I carefully drove back to the Cullen's house where I was sure that Edward would be waiting in anticipation of what Jacob said, or did, to me.

"Hey," Edward said to me as he pulled me into a hug when I walked into the door. I knew that he was searching for Jacob's scent on me, but I didn't say anything about it. I knew that he wouldn't find it, either. When he seemed satisfied that his perfect nose couldn't pick it out, he let me go.

"How'd it go?" Edward asked me, brushing some hair out of my face.

I rolled my eyes at the question. Edward seemed pleased, and that annoyed me. "Don't act pleased," I snapped harshly at him. I turned myself away from him, so he couldn't see the disappointment on my face. I was still very emotional, whilst the rest of his family wasn't. I wondered if I would ever get rid of those last few human qualities that I had.

"Oh, come on Bells," Edward said. He was in front of me in a flash, though I caught it in my eyes. It was so trippy. I used to wonder how he did it; now I could do it too. "I'm not happy. I'm sorry that Jacob doesn't want to be your friend anymore. But did you really expect anything less?"

"No," I admitted. "I just want him to be safe."

"He will be," Edward promised, kissing me squarely on the lips.

"I hope so. So what's the news on the Victoria watch?"

"We're ready to move tonight, if you are."

I nodded. I knew that I wasn't just sealing my fate when I nodded. I wasn't the only person who would be affected by whatever outcome of Victoria and I's show down. It could, really, affect a wide array of people. I hoped that the Cullen's were ready for the fight. I knew that Emmett and Jasper most definitely were. Edward was slightly scared. Rose was indifferent. Alice was hopeful for a positive outcome, but she knew that her visions could change on a dime. And Carlisle and Esme seemed to have taken on the concerned parent view of things, though they knew that we had to stop Victoria.

I just could pray that I wasn't sealing anyone else's fate but my own.


	15. Chapter 15

That night slipped by in a complicated haze. We were all in our positions to strike – me as the bait. Go figure. Edward's worst nightmare coming true. He had fought with his family – our family – one last time about letting me be the bait, but I wouldn't give in. In the end, it was my choice to get myself into this complicated mess.

The goal was to lure Victoria into that large field where we had met them – when the Cullen's had played baseball. That seemed like ages ago; it was hard to think that it was barely two years ago.

My heart, had it the power to beat, would have been beating rapidly.

I was very much so alone. Edward had given me directions, and they were really waiting nearby, but I wasn't quite sure. It all seemed so complicated. All I had to do was fight her and keep myself "living" (what an ironic word choice, to my ears) until the backup could come and help me out. The backup being Emmett, Jasper, and Edward.

Hmph. I didn't see Rosalie having to do anything quite as complicated. She just had to drive around a car and look for anything suspicious. Alice and Esme and Carlisle were backups for Emmett, Jasper, and Edward... should anything go dreadfully wrong. Rosalie had the simple job in all of this.

Yeah, you could say that I was a tad bit bitter.

My thoughts lie with my fair Paris. Yes, I had warned him. But that made me worry that he might actually do something more rash, knowing now. But I kept faith – something that Edward needed to acquire! – that he would do the smart thing and stay away.

Still, there was doubt.

When I got to the field, I knew that all was not okay. It was barely after sunset, but the wind whipped my hair around my face and there was nothing calm, as the sunset had prompted there would be.

I smelled blood.

Fresh blood.

And it reeked of werewolf.

My heart pounded as I tracked it down. I already knew who it was. It was my Paris. I would know his scent anywhere. I just had to find him. I knew, though, that it was him. He was bleeding badly, if Victoria hadn't already mauled him to death.

"I knew that you'd come rescue your love," I heard a woman's voice hiss as I came upon Jacob's body. It was in a mangled heap; he wasn't breathing and he was lying in a deep, rich pool of blood. I was too late. I had failed Jacob. Stupid, stupid me.

"You bitch," I growled out the words as my head snapped towards Victoria.

In my head, images of Jacob flew. I hear his laugh, his crisp voice daring me to do something. I saw his smile – a grin of sorts. I felt his hair underneath my fingers once again. I saw his dark eyes contemplating something I had asked. I remembered the scared voice he used, the first time I went flying off on that moterbike and crashed.

That was my Jacob. That was a piece of me that I would never have back.

"Don't worry, he was only a werewolf. Nothing of sentimental value, of course," Victoria said, a smile playing on her lips. "And you'll be joining him in death," she paused, lingering on that word, "soon, so I wouldn't worry your head too much on it."

My Jacob would never be there to help his father anymore. What would Sam do? It was my fault that his "brother" died. They would definitely never let the Cullen clan anywhere near La Push again. Did they already know?

I knew that it was my fault. It had to have been. I was the one who warned Jacob. That made me bad. I was a horrible, horrible person. How could I live with this?

"What did he ever do to you?" I hissed angrily. The longer I sat there looking at Jacob's pale, expressionless face, the more I was ready to tear Victoria apart. But first, I needed answers.

"He was a werewolf, that was enough. But what really did it in for him was that he's your friend."

That was all I needed to hear. I let out a blood curling scream as I pounced onto Victoria. Soon enough, we were rolling around in the dirt, biting at each other and scratching and just trying to rip each other to shreds.

I wasn't going to let her win.

This one was for Paris; this one was for my Jacob.

I just remember a lot of scratching, swearing, biting, kicking, rolling. I'm sure if I went back through and sorted memories out, I would remember it perfectly. I've found that sometimes blocking events out is better than having to relive them every moment that you're awake. And if you think about it, I'm probably right. After all, I never sleep. I can't dwell on this.

Unfortunately, I can't get rid of the image of Jacob in my brain. The way he looked, so helpless, lifeless. I knew that he wasn't coming back, ever. I allowed myself to remember the vague movement of Edward's strong hands grabbing at my arms and pulling me to my feet and away from Jacob's body that I was trying to shield. From what, I don't know. I was just trying to protect it.

Edward was patient with me, thank God. Victoria was dead, destroyed, never coming back... whatever you called it. And I? I was in my own private state of mourning.

My Paris was no more.


	16. Chapter 16

It didn't take long for me to piece together Jacob's last moments on this Earth.

He went looking for Victoria, alone. When he found her, his cocky "I'm stronger than you" attitude got the best of him and he was taught a good, hard lesson. It appeared that he put up a valiant fight, but it wasn't enough in the end. He had gone alone, he had died alone. How I wished that I could change that single fact. How I wished that I could have saved him.

Of course, we couldn't let anyone know that we knew or had anything to do with his death. Alice did her best to make it look like a dirt bike accident – a horrible, horrible one – but I knew that the rest of the pack would know right away.

That being said, we didn't stick around. I never got to say goodbye to my Jacob. I never got to whisper any last words to him. I never got to hear everyone comment on what a great kid he was, what a lovely boy he had been, how much everyone would miss him, what a tragedy it was that he died so young. I never got to stick around to do that.

We didn't stay in Vancouver, either. Carlisle had us moving across Canada rapidly, to a small town named St. Catharines. It was right out side of Toronto, Ontario, but it wasn't anything special. A small town, small dreams, hardly anything worth mentioning. I took a couple courses at Brock University, which was located in downtown Saint Catharines, but I dropped out after a semester. I couldn't find it in myself to continue my education when Jacob couldn't. I guess that you could say I was a little depressed.

Edward stuck with me. I don't know why, I don't know how. He let me spend time mourning the loss of Paris – and let me tell you, it took me a long time. That was the first time that I ever lost anyone that close to me. I never wanted to go through that again, so I supposed that it was better that I left Charlie and Renee – that way, I could just pretend they were still alive and happy, regardless of if they were. I couldn't let anyone else close to me go. I could never describe how thankful I was to know that we were immortal. That the Cullen clan would live on, and I would never have to say "goodbye" to one of our own.

They say that time heals all wounds. I suppose that is true.

It's been fifty years since Jacob passed on. Fifty long, cold years. Yeah, I came to terms with it ages ago, but I never said "goodbye". I never had the courage that it took to do that. To me, saying "goodbye" would reopen the wounds that I fought so hard to close. It would mean opening myself up to a past that I was desperately trying to forget – sadly, my memory wasn't bad at all. I remembered everything, which was more of a curse than a blessing.

"Bella," Edward said to me quietly as we flew along a familiar road. I was zoned out, listening to the hum of the car beneath me. I still never acquired the "taste" for running, and preferred the car. Edward didn't mind, he loved the speed. He recently bought a new car that went super fast. After all of these years together, he was still into cars.

Some things never change.

"Yes, Edward," I said softly, snapping my attention back to him, rather than the lulling hum.

"We're going to be passing by Forks... Do you want to visit the cemetery?"

My features froze momentarily, but I nodded my head "yes". At any rate, I could say goodbye to Charlie. I wasn't sure if I wanted to say goodbye to Jacob, though I knew that I should. We stopped at an unfamiliar store an bought a bouquet of roses from a quiet old lady. I was going to pay my respects the best that I could.

Charlie's grave was easy to find, and I placed a solitary rose on his grave. "I'm sorry I left you," I murmured gently, pressing my lips to the cold, harsh granite of the headstone. I fingered the date on it, memorizing it, and then got up and left. I knew what I had to do, I just didn't want to.

Finding Jacob's grave wasn't that hard. I knew where it was. I had dreamed of this moment for many years, though that didn't really make sense. I couldn't dream, I hadn't dreamed in many, many years. But I still thought of it constantly. Some people hold your heart completely and entirely. Jacob was one of those people for me. I shuddered, thinking about what I would do with out Edward in my life. That would be the death of me, I knew.

"Jacob," I whispered his name, placing the rest of the bouquet down. His headstone was fading. It was old and covered in cold rain, but it was his. "I'm so sorry you had to die like this," I whispered.

Edward was waiting off to the side of the cemetery. I knew that he was there, but he wasn't listening in on me. He wouldn't do that. Not now. He knew when to leave me alone, and I trusted Edward more than I trusted anything. He wouldn't listen in now.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," I apologized, rubbing my hand down the side of the headstone.

A cool wind whipped through the air. For a moment, I thought I smelled a werewolf, but I knew that I hadn't. It was just my mind playing tricks on me again. I closed my eyes tightly and remembered the touch of Jacob's hand on mine, his laugh, his smile, his voice.

"...I love you, Bella..." his voice seemed to call in the wind.

"I love you too, Jacob," I whispered as I got up. I returned to Edward, who smiled gently at me and took my hand.

"I love you, Edward. More than you could ever imagine. Thank you for bringing me here today. Now, let's go home."

He led me to the car and we drove off into the twilight.

Life is constantly changing. Very few things stay the same. Edward still loves me and still would die for me. That will never change. That is the most comforting thing to know. That no matter how much I change – because, let's face it, who doesn't change a little? – he still loves me for me.

Nothing will ever change that.

We had made it through so much together. I knew that there was still a lot left in us, and I was thankful for that.

It was funny to think, as we drove out of Forks, how I had been changed since I moved to Forks. How I met a boy, fell in love, got hurt from love, learned to love another, saved a lover from death.., everything I had done in such a short time frame... everything I had accomplished in this small, inconsequential town.

Deep down, I was still the Bella Swan that everyone loved.

But at the same time, I was completely different.

I was changed.

Epilogue


End file.
